Before everything , let me share some history of mine on how I got into anime . I always liked cartoon since I was young , started watching it when I was 2 or something to be more specific. At that time , there is this particular type of Chinese cartoon that seems so beautifully drawn and so awesome-ly linear , I liked it more than others . All those Chinese cartoons were actually anime .  I didn’t know they are called anime at that time  , but I do know that they are from Japan because my Brother told me so . I am reading (or rather looking) at Dragonball and loving it at that time as well that’s why I am familiar with their art style and can identify those Japanese cartoon .With  that, I continue watching and enjoying these Japanese Cartoon . Then Pokemon came and like every retarded kid , I liked it a lot as well . It fortified my interest in Japanese Cartoon .

When I was ten , GTO was shown on TV and  thanks to that  , I finally know the term anime and started reading all the tv guide to find more anime to watch . To swing my penis more , I watched some Evangelion , lots of Kindaichi and lots of others obscure Japanese cartoon when all you 20+ years old fucking anime nerds are still sucking milk or something . Ha! Take that! I am the old pro .

However , it is not until 3 years ago that our home applied Broadband . Man , just think of the possibility , if I could access to the internet earlier on , I might as well be the next big thing in anime blogging or something . Well whatever , let’s get back to broadband . So after getting the internet for 2 months or so , I realise that I can watch  my favourite Japanese Cartoon on internet. Then I wasted my soccer potential and everything else and start watching silly Japanese cartoon and became the  anti-social nerd now . Thank you so much , anime .

During that time , my passion is definitely there , so much so that I decided to start blogging my inane views to make myself feels better because I can share my views on anime and earn lots of advertisement money . Then I found out that wordpress.com bans all advertisement  … … !

However , as much as blogging ignite my already bright passion for anime , it also helped in making me realise a lot of things that dim that passion . You know , the blogsphere is such a cynical place to live in , the most pure and innocent boy such as myself  can turn into a piece of bastard shit . The blogsphere can be so critical and cynical sometimes ,it helped  me in realising that anime were generally stupid and so void of substance .  In the end , my passion can’t win my rationality . I started not caring about any anime I watched because if I ever turn my brain on , I will realise how shit it is .

In the past , I watch anime while turning my brain off because I was very passive with the series , I don’t have the time to turn it on . Now , I have to intentionally switch it off so that I won’t notice how bad they were just so I can enjoy show like Kanokon and 11 eyes . See the differences? However , it is getting worse and worse nowadays and I can’t turn my brain off very well . I don’t have the time to tolerate shit like I did in the past  . That’s why I rage when people liked shitty stuff . Of course , sometimes it is fun to turn your brain on and concentrate at how funny a show is like the case of Sacred Blacksmith but most of the time , it did more harm than anything else . It actually jeopardize the enjoyment .

An example will be Hanamaru Kindergarten . I actually laughed a lot during episode 1 and found it  rather enjoyable . Then, unknowingly ,  I turned my brain on and found out how some of the stuff sounds so wrong . What’s with teenage girl having baby with her teacher and stuff like  a kindergarten teacher didn’t cause any conflicts  when some 5 years old girl said that the teacher is “hitting” up on her and how the teacher used “I like big breast girl” as an explanation and all the  parents sort of accepted it and laughed it off like woah , Japan is so cool or something . This of course disturbed me a lot and make me enjoy the show less .

With that , I can’t embrace everything like I used to. I can’t honestly enjoy a shitty series now knowing that it is so shitty . To counter that , I started not to pay attention to show that I watched, afraid that I will nitpick their flaws and jeopardize my relaxing time . This in return make me more and more apathetic about anime .

To simplify everything I just said , nowadays I didn’t give my 100% concentration to anime that I watch because I intentionally turn my brain off . I don’t know about you but that sounds like not giving anime a lot of respect .

Second reason why I might not be an anime fan ;I can live without anime . I already live without it for days . I remember when my com was spoilt for 2 weeks , I didn’t miss anime that much . Actually , even without my com spoiling , I consume anime very slowly like one month 8 episodes or something . But you can say that this reason make me a very hardcore anime fan because I will like to watch anime when I have great form . I don’t want to jeopardize my enjoyment for anime just because I felt tired which is about 90% of the time .That’s why to build up the great form , I consume anime slowly . However , one might argue that if I loved anime so much , the drive of wanting to watch more will win sleep . I agree as well , but I can’t win sleep , I prefer to go to sleep and dream some wonderful (wet)dream rather than watching anime sometimes . So yea , not hardcore enough .

Third reason  why I might not be a hardcore anime fan ; I don’t fucking buy any anime  dvds . I can say that I am poor but I actually bought shitload of manga from money that I saved . One of the reason why I don’t buy any dvds is because of the accessibility issue . However , this is just an excuse , if I care about anime so much , I should be able to make an effort in begging my parents to apply a credit card for me so I can use it to order anime online but I can’t do that  because that is very bastard . I can’t be a bastard for anime , that’s why I am not hardcore enough .

Then I can work part-time! Work part-time and waste all the time doing the same old useless routine to jeopardize my time for watching anime and reading books? No thanks man , I did part-time before and it was one of the biggest time waster of my life . I learned nothing much and if I used those time to read up on some wikipedia or something , I might learn more things .

In other words , you see , I created so much excuses for me not buying any dvds , some worthy anime fan I am . I am just a pirate that is too cheap to pay what I watch .

So am I really a hardcore anime fan? I don’t know man , I don’t think I am one because I can’t embrace every aspect of it like an otaku , nor do I want anime so much so that I can become a bastard . Will I steal for anime , will I die for anime , will the disapperance of anime make me want to die? Definitely not , and before I can do all that for anime , I won’t say that I am an hardcore anime fan .

Actually , hardcore is too much , am I even an anime fan consider that I don’t mind dropping anime if Odex send love letters again ? What’s more outrageous is that I said things like ” as much as I enjoyed anime , I don’t like it so much so that I get bothered by it ” . Man , I even call anime Japanese Cartoon! I also rattle on about it while not knowing what I am saying .

Whatever , you decide.

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