Sometimes, I do ask myself, why do I blog? Is it because I have things that I thought are cool to say so I just indulge myself by writing them down while deluding myself that people would also think that what I wrote is cool? Or Is it because I want a discussion? Definitely the former and not the latter because I don’t actively seek out interaction with others. There are no discussions that can be derived from my post and I don’t want any of them.

I am a dull person, I don’t know how to response to a reply or make small talk. I am not interest to know how as well.

I don’t expect getting replies in the first place because sometimes I didn’t even put that much thought into what I wrote. So my reply would disappoint you. Do you want to be disappointed? How obvious should I make it that I am just writing a monologue to myself because I like doing that.

I used to read a lot of ‘discussion’ in the other blog. Hell, I even participated in some of them in this very blog. However it really begs the question whether these discussions are truly discussions because what I usually see are two different people, offering two different opinions while trying to one up the other to show who’s more accurate. Nothing really comse out of this because people would always stand by their opinion. They don’t want to be convinced and I don’t want to either.

Otherwise, it would be two people agreeing and both of you would go on masturbating one another because it makes you feel cool and it’s only polite to return handjob when people give you one.

Now, I do like comments because they are solid proof that people are reading your stuff but I don’t really care about them because I don’t expect comments. It’s like receiving chocolate for no reason. I don’t particularly like chocolate to actively seek them but it is a nice bonus if you offer them to me. I really do appreciate that you took the time to offer me some chocolate but I don’t really care if I don’t get any.

Same goes with comments that became ‘discussion’ but I don’t like this one as much because I need to offer you back some chocolate after receiving some. It’s troublesome and I am just repeating points I made anyway. I like it that you share your opinions, but I don’t like it that much to care. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it but I just don’t care. It stills make me slightly happy but that happiness is so minor that it makes no difference whatsoever. Not to mention, if I want a different opinion, I would search them on google. I still appreciate your enthusiasm in wanting to share your opinion but it wouldn’t make a difference if you choose not to share.

Then there is also the case of you sending me expired chocolate with your vile comments. Now I don’t really mind them because I just threw them away like how I threw away expired chocolate but I still have to do the action of throwing away. It’s not difficult and I don’t feel anything from throwing shit away but needing to constantly do this simple yet unnecessary task can be tiring. Also sometimes, trashcan stinks but I only need to tolerate them for a few seconds and nothing of importance is lost.

With that said, I still rather not having to tolerate that smelly shit even though it’s painless and harmless fluff. Still, as harmless as they are, sometimes, these smelly shits just pile up and make things annoying. It’s all ok though if they don’t pile it up and to be frank, I don’t get many of these. It only happens like once a year but I only get like one comment per year anyway so I don’t really know what to make out of it.

I don’t like starting conversation. I think small talk is insincere and dishonest. They are unneeded and I am not interested.

People also don’t talk to me unless they need help. I also only talk with others when I need help. Just that I seldom have problems I can’t solve myself so I ended up not talking to anyone. I don’t know how people can make small talk. I don’t understand how people can have so much smses that they filled up their inbox. I am also not sure about the use of messenger because now I just open them to check emails and in-case people want to talk to me(this never happen).

I don’t usually @ twitter to others because I thought twitter is something for you to have a monologue with yourself. Same goes with facebook. I do comment on other’s facebook post when I thought of something witty to say or there are asking for something that I just happened to know. Otherwise I don’t comment. I also didn’t use the Facebook’s ‘like’ function once because I personally think that all of what people shared are mediocre. They don’t impress me and I don’t see the reason to like them because I honestly don’t.

As you can see, from the previous paragraph, in my mind, worthy interaction can only start if I want to impress someone, have funny things to say or helping people. I am not someone with any impressive records to showoff and I just assume my sense of humour is too weird for people to find it funny. It’s also not everyday that I can help someone so I don’t start any conversation.

I like to blog because it’s not a conversation. I am just indulging myself with my own monologue with no reason other than it felt fun having monologue. I understand that a conversation is the same and can be held without any reason other than indulging oneself but conversation would affect another person because you are wasting their time to indulge yourself. That’s very self centered and I am very self aware that I am boring so I know it’s not fun talking to me. It’s also not fun talking to them anyway.

Maybe blogging is like a pseudo conversation without direct contact. Maybe I blog because I can substitute the joy of conversation with others by conversing with myself. I think I am on this level of intelligence that I want to converse on something a little deeper but not too deep because I am not smart but I have no interest in whatever people are talking about. There are no profile like that other than myself so I just end up having monologue.

Blogging also act as a pseudo conversation because it’s out in the public and there’s a chance that people did read it. I like to tell everyone what I think but I don’t care about verbal feedback. It’s a one way thing.

I don’t know why it felt fun telling people what I think. Maybe it’s a ego thing. Maybe it’s because it felt awesome and magical that your thoughts can turn into words and became something concrete, something you can leave a mark on. Yes, that’s it!

But why is leaving a mark important? That’s a good question. I don’t know the answer. Maybe it’s about showing off your personality. Maybe because you think you are cool and people would like you if they think that you are cool. Maybe you want to showoff your inner thoughts to appear deeper so you can validate yourself. But people might not think you are cool and you are might not be able to validate yourself so why do it? Maybe this is what they called self indulgent, self pleasing and the reason why masturbation feels good even though it’s not the real thing. It’s something primal, primitive.

Now all of that just sound sad and lonely but not really, I don’t even know how lonely feels like and you don’t see me blog a lot, do you? In fact, I am so not lonely that I refuse to talk to others because sometimes I find it bothersome. A world without people is the best if I somehow can survive without the help of people producing food and all the entertainment shit operates and maintains themselves. That’s impossible so I do appreciate people, I just don’t like talking to them. I can choose to talk or not to talk to them though so it’s ok.

I also like blogging because you can tell others what you think without directly affecting others unless they want to. I am only wasting my own time here and I like wasting my time. Facebook and Twitter may serve the same purpose as blogging but people are following you there. They are forced to read your stuff because it’s on their timeline. This is why I don’t really like using them and always apologize off screen after posting my self indulgence shit there.

Blog is different because it doesn’t force itself onto others. Now, maybe they subscribed your blog on google reader and you are still pushing shit into other’s face but google reader is different because it’s easier to unsubscribe as no one would know you did. Facebook and twitter makes it very clear who unfriended or unfollow so I can see how it can be difficult not to put up with their shit because you want to be polite.

I am also not on an aggregator so there’s that. I think I spoke too fast because for some weird reason, I am on animeblogger.net. I think I did submit my feed when I first started out just for shit and giggles. Nothing happen for 1 year and I totally forgot about it then boom, I am on there and I can’t find any way to remove myself. Ahh, who cares, animeblogger.net is a dead town anyway. No one visit them anymore.
Edit: I totally forgot that comments can be constructive criticism… HA! What am I talking about. There are no constructive criticism in the comment section.

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