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Being proud of a country/someone is a very alienating concept because why should I be proud of what I didn’t do? Good for people that achieved it but feeling proud just because of what people did felt like leeching the success of others to me. Just because some people won some medals in a sporting event that I contribute nothing to, I have the right to rub off their success because they just so happened to live in the same location as me?

I am trapped in my own mind scape, thinking about unrelated shit and living my life in my own unique way within very specific restrictive vicinity so I really don’t fully understand the concept of patriotism or loving a country. It felt inherently wrong why we need to draw imaginary lines to separate us vs them. It also felt wrong to criticize Malaysia corruption for the sole intention to feel better of ourselves instead of criticizing them because you sincerely want them to improve.

I meant I understood the idea that it’s easier to micro manage things that are broken down to tiny parts and history had shown that a one unified country is a legislation nightmare and prove to have no benefits over multiple countries minding their own business and occasionally help up/work together. However these are all logical concepts with no tangible forms to make any emotional connection with so I am not comfortable to say I fully grasp and in support of it. This is what I meant when I say I don’t understood what it meant to be patriotic or to love your own country.

It’s also felt wrong why you should unquestionably love your country. I don’t love it because love is a strong emotion and I don’t hold that type of emotion for this land. Maybe appreciate is a better word,I guess. To me, love conjures up images of blind faith, extremism and defense against any criticisms no matter if they made any sense. The extend and vitriol people threw at someone who makes a stupid passing insult scares me and I don’t want to associate with them. These people love their country and it shows, and it’s scary. I know it’s getting into semantic argument but I am not comfortable with the word love. Appreciate is much gentle and disassociate with a lot crazy shit. So I am comfortable to say I appreciate this country, maybe.

A country is also a concept born from the human mind, a very complex concept that I am not even sure of because an alternative was never presented so it felt wrong to just accept and love it without spending time researching on it. So for now, I can only have a shallow appreciation for it because it allows me to live pretty comfortably.

#SG50, I guess.


Browsing through this blog, I am pretty sure I had been talking to myself for almost 3 years because who the fuck are these posts directed to other than myself? It’s all self reflection shit and talking about myself. It’s all about what I think as if it fucking matters. It’s so narcissistic and it’s kinda disgusting.

But people need an outlet to express their views because we are social animal, and my way is probably talking to myself on whatever platform because topics I want to discuss with can’t be discussed for reason ranging from “this is fucking boring” to “I don’t know what to say about that”. So I just kept on talking to empty air.

First it’s with this blog but blogging is too troublesome so I went to Facebook. Facebook troubles too many people because I found out that super long comments with the intention to spark some discussion or share thoughts that you think is interesting and hoped that they shared the same interest is something people really aren’t welcoming of. The urge of doing that is too huge for me to keep quiet so I tried to restrain myself by posting thoughts and place them as private posts, it’s a soothing outlet and kept my mouth shut so I really appreciate that. So in the end, I just tweet a lot because that’s my final frontier to reach out to a human being. I have like 6 human followers and I am surprise how no one unfollow me yet because it must be annoying reading so many garbage tweets. I think they are just being courteous and nice, which is a cool thing they do that I really appreciate.

Now this post looks like whiny sentimental shit, which is not my intention anyway but it reads like one so I am fucked. The need to express your views is a real one as accounted by how many garbage opinions that is out there on the web. I am aware of that but I am contributing to the problems so shit is fucked either way. It just felt good to put your thoughts out there, felt better when people acknowledge it, but that is getting into vanity and desperate attempt in attention territory and I loathe myself for that.
I will regret posting this, won’t I? I think I would and the vicious cycle of self loathe commences.

Japanese science fiction is always about schrodinger cat, it’s so common that it started to become laughable. Here’s a list of stuff that it appears in off the my top of head: Steins;Gate, Muv Luv, VLR, Purple Qualia, Eden, Ever17,I/O and almost every sci fic eroge about parallel universe and shit.

They also make it sounds more fascinating than it really is but the magic is gone when you repeated the same interpretation for the 100th time. Why are crazy magical shit happening in our stories? Because parallel world and let me spend 5 mins to explain to you about this schrodinger cat theory. PLOT TWIST!

We need a story to mock this trend and give a new interpretation to schrodinger cat to laugh at how stupid it is when another character starts sprouting this thought experiment.


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