Being proud of a country/someone is a very alienating concept because why should I be proud of what I didn’t do? Good for people that achieved it but feeling proud just because of what people did felt like leeching the success of others to me. Just because some people won some medals in a sporting event that I contribute nothing to, I have the right to rub off their success because they just so happened to live in the same location as me?

I am trapped in my own mind scape, thinking about unrelated shit and living my life in my own unique way within very specific restrictive vicinity so I really don’t fully understand the concept of patriotism or loving a country. It felt inherently wrong why we need to draw imaginary lines to separate us vs them. It also felt wrong to criticize Malaysia corruption for the sole intention to feel better of ourselves instead of criticizing them because you sincerely want them to improve.

I meant I understood the idea that it’s easier to micro manage things that are broken down to tiny parts and history had shown that a one unified country is a legislation nightmare and prove to have no benefits over multiple countries minding their own business and occasionally help up/work together. However these are all logical concepts with no tangible forms to make any emotional connection with so I am not comfortable to say I fully grasp and in support of it. This is what I meant when I say I don’t understood what it meant to be patriotic or to love your own country.

It’s also felt wrong why you should unquestionably love your country. I don’t love it because love is a strong emotion and I don’t hold that type of emotion for this land. Maybe appreciate is a better word,I guess. To me, love conjures up images of blind faith, extremism and defense against any criticisms no matter if they made any sense. The extend and vitriol people threw at someone who makes a stupid passing insult scares me and I don’t want to associate with them. These people love their country and it shows, and it’s scary. I know it’s getting into semantic argument but I am not comfortable with the word love. Appreciate is much gentle and disassociate with a lot crazy shit. So I am comfortable to say I appreciate this country, maybe.

A country is also a concept born from the human mind, a very complex concept that I am not even sure of because an alternative was never presented so it felt wrong to just accept and love it without spending time researching on it. So for now, I can only have a shallow appreciation for it because it allows me to live pretty comfortably.

#SG50, I guess.