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This is what I will do if I know I will die in a year. First, I will quit school and spend all my money on textbooks. Then I will rip them all out into scan-able pages and upload them in all kind of formats online on a torrent site hosted by me in some Sweden city.

After that, I will publicize what I did and let the authority catch me. During my trial, I won’t hire any lawyer. I will just shout statements like “Education is supposed to be affordable. Textbooks prices are too ridiculous! This is a clear case of class-ism! You disincentive the poor! I believe my action will help everyone around the world to get a better education because you can learn one whole semester worth of materials with just a good textbook! Fuck the textbook industry! I am dying in a few months so why should I care about your pathetic disgusting piece of price jacking business! Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck everyone!”.

Then I will burst into flame and angels will come down with trumpets, playing Ride of the Valkyries in the background. A flame sword will rise from my ashes and transform into a phoenix. I will then fly out of the court and burn down every textbook so only one of each is left and my phoenix power will instantaneously transform and upload these textbooks online into eBooks. People will remember this legacy as RISE OF THE PHOENIX, TEXTBOOK FOR EVERYONE, internet not included.

Either that or I will just live life peacefully for 1 year after I quit school.

Translation: some emo fuck rap/rhymes I wrote because fuck it, why not? It’s fun! I will probably look back in 10 years time and cringe to death but fuck it. That’s how I feel like nowadays. Just fuck it and throw every tiny little thought out there.
I have this pet theory on how the best storytellers are people with the dullest life story. It’s the desperate struggle to find some spice in their boring life that sparks these wonderful imaginative stories. I also think I am talking out of my ass because how can I even quantify that? It’s just a thing I tell myself and believed in based on some figments of my imagination.
Anyway, here’s my life story. I just stay at home all day, skipped as many classes as I can, and browse the net for the whole day. Time ticks by and hours had passed with nothing to show for. How can I possibly sustain a life like this? However, I am stuck in this rut because I am stuck with this education path, a path where I can’t possibly excel in yet is easy enough to maintain a B. In the end, I know it’s not enough because I learned jack shit. All I got out of it is knowing how to tackle exam questions without really understanding anything. Trying to further understand the material requires efforts and time that I am not willing to put into because I am not interested and my head hurts. Any ideas of taking up on any pet projects require fuck ton of time and effort that will lead my assignment deadlines astray. These deadlines also linger on my mind so I can’t pursue anything else with a peace of mind so what did I do? Nothing, I did nothing. I have always waited until the pressure reached the boiling point to psyche myself in giving the last ditch effort. So far it always worked out ok, but it’s a risk and the lingering thoughts of how it will definitely fail this time round is haunting.
I distract myself by reading tons and tons of things I am interested in. Histories, current affairs, stories, movies, science and whatever! However, those felt like a waste of time because I am procrastinating and I know I am not doing what I am supposed to. It’s just an easy excuse because they are intellectual things that are good to know. It all became futile endeavors though because I can only consume but not create. No matter how much I read up on totalitarian rulers, there are another mountains of materials to read up on. I can’t in good faith give any intelligent analysis on totalitarian because I didn’t do any rigor academia works on it. All I have is just 10 hours of half-baked readings and wasted time.
I also tried out different things, reaching out to every single thing I could think of in order to feel anything. However, all of them seem like a monumental task that will take too much time to conquer when I have this education obstacle in front of me pushing me back. It’s the fear of not being able to manage it this time round that incapacitated me to do other things. Critically thinking, I should set up a schedule but time passes so fast it’s scary. By the time I read up on stuff, it’s time to sleep again. It got worst now when I start spending time worrying about time passing so fast while I distract myself with bite-sized entertainment in youtube and forums. Before I realise, time had mercilessly passed and I did nothing of value again. Take writing this up for an instance. I took an hour to typed up all these bullshit and thus sacrificing all the time I could use for other meaningful things. Is typing up all these meaningful? No, but I already did it in order to satisfy the illusion of being productive. It’s a vicious cycle I can’t get out of and it’s slowly killing me inside.

I don’t believe in gods but playing acting as one rubs me the wrong way. Domesticating wild life to be pets felt like playing god. If not, what are the rationales behind domesticating them anyway? It all boils down to vanity and wanting to be in control. It’s not a necessity to domesticate them so doing it is all selfish desire . If you want to conserve them, leave it to experts who understand their needs and have infrastructures to make sure they live life like they are supposed to. It’s really fucked up to control their behaviors and forced it to act the ways you want them to. Domesticating wild life is equivalent to eugenics where you kill of what make them wild and force it to play well with human surroundings. We did enough fucked up things with inbreeding dogs already, do we really need another?

It’s a conflicting thought for me because I have no issue with designer child or eating meat. It’s probably because designer child is a decision humans made with their free wills and meat is a necessity for social ecological purposes. Domesticating wild life on the other hand goes against the free will of animals and is an unnecessary endeavor. Unless there’s a necessity, it’s best to just leave it as it is. We already did enough harm, so can we stop now for our selfish desire?

Do nostalgia bait articles earn any money? Probably not, otherwise they won’t all be so shitty. However, this is not a nostalgia bait article because it’s an article about now! Very positive and life changing. My life changed when I read point number 3.

5 things you should do when you are 24:
1. Go crazy! Why not? You only live once. Don’t worry about responsibility, that’s old people shit.

2.Travel around the world and learn nothing! Just spend ten of thousands of dollars doing similar things you can do in your country! That’s very fiscally responsible, but hey, look at these amazing architectures! Take some pictures and act all introspective as if you gained any insights after the trip. You still don’t know what Aleppo is though but who cares? You saw buildings and think you got something out of it!

3. Follow your dream! Don’t worry about not having one! Just follow it! Ignore the statistic of how only the top few percentile has a dream and achieved it. Ignore about fitting a square peg in a round hole. Life is not about taking it step by step and exploring the unknown and settle for what’s best for you next. It’s about dreams you have that are totally well thought out and not a heat of the moment thing. You know what you want since the day you are born; even though you have zero plan on what to do tomorrow! Remember your essay of “What you want to be” in primary 3? That didn’t change at all with circumstances!

4.Step out of your comfort zone! If you are an introvert, take a bold step and do some crazy shit that is not totally for you! Like a orgy party! Go there and try it out! You totally will be a new person coming out. I don’t know how you should go about it though.

5. Fall in love! Love is the nourishment for everything, you can’t survive without it. Don’t worry about fucking the other party up with baggage like having 0 future plan, 0 ambition, 0 stability and 0 worthy things that you can contribute to for a relationship. Be selfish, deceit and be dishonest about how your life is not just pokemon go and nothing else. What harm can it do besides a broken family where no one is happy? That doesn’t happen in the real world!

REMEMBER PEOPLE! FOLLOW YOUR DREAM! YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t worry about how 3/4 of the world is kinda messed up and you have 0 idea about it.


Chinese translation:



2:环游世界旅行!放任自己!你应该花费十几千元去外国做些你在国内也能做的东西!那是多么有计划性的理财!看!那魁梧的建筑,多让人感叹!我想这份感叹 能补助您内心的温池,让你能觉得你得到了一些深奥的见解。那是什么见解我们就不必深究,也别管什么内心的温池到底是什么意思,更别管你对现代社会毫无概 念!最中要的是你得到了一些建筑屋的照片,能让你觉得自己领悟到了一些什么。

3:追求梦想!别管你是个毫无野心毫无梦想的人!也别管自己到底适不适合因为人生就是梦!什么一步一脚印的探索未来,然后再慢慢取决最好的下一步!那些都 是毫无用武之地的废材所说的话。虽然那应该是大多数人的想法但大多数都是笨蛋!你却不是!你是特别的存在!为什么?别管为什么。你只需要追求梦想。当你出 生之时,你就理应抱有梦想。你的梦想不只是一时的冲动!想想你三年级时写的梦想!那从来没因为各种因素而有所改变!

4:走出你熟悉的圈圈!如果你是一个内向的人,你可去尝试乱交派对!乱交是日文的词汇因为我们华人很有内涵,没有这种猥亵的词汇!当你走出乱交派对时,你会是个全然一新的人。如何参加这些派对你就别问我了,走出熟悉的圈圈, 自己研究吧!

5:谈场轰轰烈烈的恋爱!恋爱是滋养,是个让人健全的必要因素!不必在乎你是个毫无野心,毫无梦想,毫无好处的可怜人!也别管你能对他人付出什么!你所需 要的是诈骗与不诚实!诱导他人认为你除了精灵宝宝GO以外还有灿烂的人生!最坏的下场会是什么?破裂的家庭?不开心的人生?那些东西在现实生活中根本不存 在!


I was not a fan of X Japan and have zero idea what they are besides being a metal band before walking into this. I came out wanting to know more about them because it succeeded in making Yoshiki a fascinating figure. It makes me think about the state of rock music, what’s like to struggle with death, uncertainty and the trials and tribulations people went through. It is a very good introductory documentary for those who have zero idea on X Japan. It offers cursory glance on their major milestones and events; enough to pique your interest but not enough to be served as an biography.

Its structure around the theme of deaths felt befitting of the history of X Japan. It started off with one, ended with another, and continue again before they had another. This story like structure flows naturally and befits the mythical and mystique nature of X Japan and what I feel like the essence and why people like the band. Yoshiki is basically portrayed as a 50 hears old super hero! Of course it’s all embellish and played out but it’s solemn, serious and flashy enough for you buy to into the fantasy.

Critics are critical on how it’s too fictionalize and doesn’t go in-depth in giving us the human sides but it’s the exact anime like portrayal in the narrative that makes me like it as much as I did. That portrayal however, makes critics feel like it plays up the whole marketing angle considering this film coincides with their latest album. I watched it in some indie film festival sponsored by local art school in a country where X Japan CDs are not readily available so I don’t get the marketing angle.


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