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I love perverted manga, no not boob in your face ecchi manga but manga that explores the perverse mind. It’s my favourite genre in all kind of media. Sono Sion’s filmography is my comfort food because it’s chocked full of the artistry of being a pervert, an outcast.

I seek fiction because my life is boring because I am boring. I am the perfect self-insert bland male lead – unassuming, generic, nothing spectacular and very very safe -. If you ask 20 people who I am, you will either receive 20 different answers or no answer at all. It’s either because I have no set personality and act differently among wildly different groups, or because I am inconspicuous due to being socially lazy. Part of it is by design because I am lazy, part of it is because I don’t know my real self but the bulk of it is playing it up to social norm. It’s only in fictional work – where things run rampant and my imagination boundless – can I find anything resemblances of a consistent self. The consistent reaction I got from a consistent genre of works shaped the self.

Perverse manga is so fascinating to me because it reflects a very interesting reality. We as a society in whole pretend to have decency but we all have degenerate thoughts inside, or at least I have. I will never admit to being a lazy degenerate who spends most of his day lazing around and jerking off because I want to uphold the correct image that is deemed fit for society. I don’t want to be seem as a hopeless bum.

Am I pretending to be decent? Pretending is probably not an appropriate term because you don’t pretend so consistently for 20+ years. You can’t put yourself through lies and deceits for your whole life. I also don’t think I am acting when I keep dark degenerate thoughts to myself and trying to portray a wholesome lifestyle. If I am lying, it will be torturous but it’s not because the wholesome potrayal of a somewhat upstanding individual is also my true self. However, it feels dirty because it seems like I am deliberately hiding part of my disgusting self with the knowledge that it will only jeopardize whatever I have if I am being too honest. Society is too dishonest and shallow, they focus too much on the indecency of everyone’s complicated self and tend to ignore that you are probably decent 90% of the time. That’s where perverse manga comes in.

Perverse manga such as Prison School runs wild and put degeneracy front and center. They make you question how the author came out with such perverse thoughts when they seem so unassuming on the outside. They are brave individuals that share their most wild and perverse imagination on paper and spread it across to millions of people. They are honest and sincere in this utterly dishonest society ,and I think that’s what struck a chord in everyone. There’s a reason why No Longer Human, a novel that detailed a troubled man who thinks he is putting on a facade to live up to everyone’s expectation, is the 2nd most popular novel in Japan – a very repressive society where everyone has politeness drilled into them regardless of who they are.

That being said, it’s not all true honesty. It’s boldness of honesty hiding behind the abstraction of make belief and that is exactly what is so enticing to me. It’s both honest and dishonest, which in return, perfectly encapsulates the underlying nature of society as a whole. Prison School portrays borderline criminality and degeneracy for laugh without actual repercussions because it can. However, these fantasies are as real as they can be, even though they aren’t acts that anyone could accept in real life. It’s this interplay between reality and imagination – things that you can imagine of doing but will never want to or ever do – that capture the exact formless and seemly indecisive nature of what I am as a person. They speak to me on a deeply personal level and that’s why I hold them with such high regards. It’s a release that can be secretly enjoyed in this highly repressive society. It’s having the cake and eat it too against normalcy while upholding normality.

I love perverted manga, no not boob in your face ecchi manga but manga that explores the perverse mind. It’s my favourite genre in all kind of media. Sono Sion’s filmography is my comfort food because it’s chocked full of the artistry of being a pervert, an outcast.

I seek fiction because my life is boring because I am boring. I am the perfect self-insert bland male lead – unassuming, generic, nothing spectacular and very very safe. If you ask 20 people who I am, you will either receive 20 different answers or no answer at all. It’s either because I have no set personality and act differently among wildly different groups, or because I am inconspicuous due to being socially lazy. Part of it is by design because I am lazy, part of it is because I don’t know my real self but the bulk of it is playing it up to the social norm. It’s only in fictional work – where things run rampant and my imagination boundless – can I find anything resemblances of a consistent self. The consistent reaction I got from a consistent genre of works shaped the self.

Perverse manga is so fascinating to me because it reflects a very interesting reality. Society in whole pretend to have decency but we all have degenerate thoughts inside, or at least I have. I will never admit to being a lazy degenerate who spends most of his day lazing around and jerking off because I want to uphold the correct image that is deemed fit for society. I don’t want to be deemed as a hopeless bum.

Am I pretending to be decent? Pretending is probably not an appropriate term because you don’t pretend so consistently for 20+ years. You can’t put yourself through lies and deceits for your whole life. I also don’t think I am acting when I keep dark degenerate thoughts to myself and trying to portray a wholesome lifestyle. If I am lying, it will be torturous but it’s not because the wholesome portrayal of a somewhat upstanding individual is also my true self. However, it feels dirty because it seems like I am deliberately hiding part of my disgusting self with the knowledge that it will only jeopardize whatever I have if I am being too honest. Society is too dishonest and shallow, they focus too much on the indecency of everyone’s complicated self and tend to ignore that you are probably decent 90% of the time. That’s where perverse manga comes in.

Perverse manga such as Prison School runs wild and put degeneracy front and center. They make you question how the author came out with such perverse thoughts when they seem so unassuming on the outside. They are brave individuals that share their most wild and perverse imagination on paper and spread it across to millions of people. They are honest and sincere in this utterly dishonest society, and I think that’s what struck a chord in everyone. There’s a reason why No Longer Human, a novel that detailed a troubled man who thinks he is putting on a facade to live up to everyone’s expectation, is the 2nd most popular novel in Japan – a very repressive society where everyone has politeness drilled into them regardless of who they are.

That being said, it’s not all true honesty. It’s boldness of honesty hiding behind the abstraction of make belief and that is exactly what is so enticing to me. It’s both honest and dishonest, which in return, perfectly encapsulates the underlying nature of society. Prison School portrays borderline criminality and degeneracy for laugh without actual repercussions because it can. However, these fantasies are as real as they can be, even though they aren’t acts that anyone could accept in real life. It’s this interplay between reality and imagination – things that you can imagine of doing but will never want to or ever do – that capture the exact formless and seemly indecisive nature of what I am as a person. They speak to me on a deeply personal level and that’s why I hold them with such high regards. It’s a release that can be secretly enjoyed in this highly repressive society. It’s having the cake and eat it too against normalcy while upholding normality.

Inception was a regular thriller pretending to be smart. Interstellar was a film with a smart background for a story that is rather simple and did not necessitate all that smart. It was pretty good.

However, the consultation and adhering to an expert physicist theory stuff felt more like an excuse than a focus to tell a simple story about a family bond. The family bond takes precedent of the science without exploring any fresh concept in terms of our relationship with physic. What does the film teach us about our human relationship with science? That gravity transcends time/space? That black hole has an event horizon? Those are more like plain information than story elements that make us implore our relationship with science. For example, Ghost in the Shell asks the definition of humanity and existence in light of full cybernetic surgeries while 2001 Space Odessey questioned the danger of AI and human morality in light of rationality. I will even argue that Lucy -even though it was an inferior film with its wonky terrible science- implored more interesting sci-fi ideas on how human won the evolution race with its ending 10 mins.

Interstellar can function without any of the accuracies. Strip them all out and replace them with magic. All it will lose is the “based on accurate physic” allure but you will still find the same regular film about family love, which is the biggest issue of the movie because there’s no great story for all that adhering to accurate science. If you don’t care(I care a bit) about the adhering to science aspect, it kinda is just a well done but not excellent movie. Good for science class, but just an all right narrative experience.

Gunbuster and Voice of a Distant Star also did similar time dilation stories so it’s not that fresh or unique of a concept, nothing mind blowing if you are a fan of sci-fi.

I don’t think Attack on Titan is good and I thought One Punch Man is one joke stretched too long and there will never be a satisfying development with that joke. What can they do beside coming out with new enemies and have things resolved with a punch? They tried with the character deconstruction approach and add in new element of jokes with characters like King but eh, it was all right.

The problem with Attack on Titan is I already played Muv Luv Alternative and it did Attack on Titan better in 2006. I also don’t think the mystery is that intriguing, a bunch of characters they didn’t developed much were the Titans that attack the city? Ok. There’s also a basement but the story didn’t lay out interesting clues so it can be anything. What can the ending be? Titans are the natural evolution of human so their purpose is to eradicates the lower tier obsolete humans? Titans are inhumane fucked up human experiments born from political struggles that went wrong so some of them are out for revenge? If I can come out with it then I am not impressed.

I might be impressed if it’s reveal that Titans are actually comedians and they ingest human because that’s the post modern form of comedy and it’s actually a decontruction of how the ultimate purpose in life is similar to getting eaten by Titan because there’s no real purpose in life. Otherwise it’s one huge joke contorted by a master comedian, playing and manipulating people’s life by transforming them into Titans because he thinks the ill of humanity is thinking too much and having too much sex. That’s why he wants to turn everyone into mindless dickless consuming machine because that’s how you reach utopia and it’s also a story arguing for eugenics. See how carefree and liberating these titans are? Be them and you can do the same! Dispose everyone that failed in turning into a Titan after being ingested! We must change the gene in a way that everyone became a Titan!

Alt right is just a radical group of free speech proponents. They use neo nazi symbols because nothing can be as terrible and offensive as Nazi. In their mind, if they can flaunt Nazi symbolisms, then free speech is alive and well. Whether they truly believe in Nazi value is besides the point. I personally believe they don’t because their activities are limited to the Internet most of the time. They live by the belief that nothing on the Internet is serious, don’t take it too seriously and it’s all for the lulz. This is why they can afford to say all the nasty shit. In fact, being able to say nasty shit emboldened their cause for free speech in their mind. That’s of course, only their perspective and whether it reflects reality or not is another question all together. For me personally, I think they are misguided.

Of course there are real nutjobs but most of them are just people who can’t string an eloquent argument for their lives so they could only follow a group that they know in their head what is in their heart. Too bad, not many can decipher what their intentions are, no thanks to the very real nutjobs that muddied the pool.

They are against PC culture because they think it’s a transgression against free speech. They also happened to believe that anyone who fight for justice online are fakers because they don’t think they do what they said. It’s part projection and part cynicism. That’s the reason why they supported Trump because he is seen as a proponent against PC culture. They can also ignore whatever rhetoric he said because they don’t really believe things people say. It’s kinda ironic that a proponent of free speech, the one who think free speech is powerful because words are powerful, don’t trust anything other people say. It’s an oxymoron of how words don’t matter but free speech matter because words matter and we need the freedom to discuss anything.

That’s their internalized reality. They live in their own bubble like almost every other group. They say nasty stuff because they didn’t realize not everyone takes it the same way they did. It’s however, very difficult for them to break their own bubble because they think they are the enlightened one. This enlightenment is highlighted by their rejection of mainstream media. It’s ironical that they have their own alternative media and they believe in it religiously like how they imagine all the “sheeple”that read mainstream news.

It’s very hard to convince someone who believe strongly that they are better than anyone. If you try to discuss with them, it just enforce their belief that they are better than you because in their mind, whatever you said are misguided liberal SJW shit. They also heard it a hundred times already and had since long made up their mind through misconstruing what “SJW” say.

So how do we deal with it? How do you reach out to someone who will misconstrued whatever you said as smug and SJW shills? By giving them some real actual experience for one. By introducing them to gays, face to face and dare them to shout fags in their face and see the real mental repercussion it has towards the lgbt group. I will admit that’s too cruel but it’s really hard to learn things you don’ believe in when you didn’t experience it yourself. So a better idea will probably be trusting that the alt right are just misguided people and introduce them to gays and Muslim and show them they are just actual normal human being like you and me. In other words, don’t engage them on the internet, they don’t take internet seriously, engage them in real life because they have no other way to escape the reality when it’s facing them in close proximity. I have no fucking idea to be honest. I think that everything I just strike through might be fucking stupid, irresponsible and dangerous. I am in no place to give any advice.

This is what I will do if I know I will die in a year. First, I will quit school and spend all my money on textbooks. Then I will rip them all out into scan-able pages and upload them in all kind of formats online on a torrent site hosted by me in some Sweden city.

After that, I will publicize what I did and let the authority catch me. During my trial, I won’t hire any lawyer. I will just shout statements like “Education is supposed to be affordable. Textbooks prices are too ridiculous! This is a clear case of class-ism! You disincentive the poor! I believe my action will help everyone around the world to get a better education because you can learn one whole semester worth of materials with just a good textbook! Fuck the textbook industry! I am dying in a few months so why should I care about your pathetic disgusting piece of price jacking business! Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck everyone!”.

Then I will burst into flame and angels will come down with trumpets, playing Ride of the Valkyries in the background. A flame sword will rise from my ashes and transform into a phoenix. I will then fly out of the court and burn down every textbook so only one of each is left and my phoenix power will instantaneously transform and upload these textbooks online into eBooks. People will remember this legacy as RISE OF THE PHOENIX, TEXTBOOK FOR EVERYONE, internet not included.

Either that or I will just live life peacefully for 1 year after I quit school.

我一页一页的翻阅,
厚厚的词典,
寻找适当的词汇,
想表达我的领会。
 
困在这喘不透气的社会,
一步一步的体会,
用我半桶水的智慧,
闯出人生的光辉!
 
光辉带来壮烈,
裂痕不断出现,
系上厚厚的铁链,
恋上死亡的概念,
 
念念情人的书简,
简单的词言
绘出活下去的火焰
不断不断的席卷。
 
Translation: some emo fuck rap/rhymes I wrote because fuck it, why not? It’s fun! I will probably look back in 10 years time and cringe to death but fuck it. That’s how I feel like nowadays. Just fuck it and throw every tiny little thought out there.
I have this pet theory on how the best storytellers are people with the dullest life story. It’s the desperate struggle to find some spice in their boring life that sparks these wonderful imaginative stories. I also think I am talking out of my ass because how can I even quantify that? It’s just a thing I tell myself and believed in based on some figments of my imagination.
 
Anyway, here’s my life story. I just stay at home all day, skipped as many classes as I can, and browse the net for the whole day. Time ticks by and hours had passed with nothing to show for. How can I possibly sustain a life like this? However, I am stuck in this rut because I am stuck with this education path, a path where I can’t possibly excel in yet is easy enough to maintain a B. In the end, I know it’s not enough because I learned jack shit. All I got out of it is knowing how to tackle exam questions without really understanding anything. Trying to further understand the material requires efforts and time that I am not willing to put into because I am not interested and my head hurts. Any ideas of taking up on any pet projects require fuck ton of time and effort that will lead my assignment deadlines astray. These deadlines also linger on my mind so I can’t pursue anything else with a peace of mind so what did I do? Nothing, I did nothing. I have always waited until the pressure reached the boiling point to psyche myself in giving the last ditch effort. So far it always worked out ok, but it’s a risk and the lingering thoughts of how it will definitely fail this time round is haunting.
 
I distract myself by reading tons and tons of things I am interested in. Histories, current affairs, stories, movies, science and whatever! However, those felt like a waste of time because I am procrastinating and I know I am not doing what I am supposed to. It’s just an easy excuse because they are intellectual things that are good to know. It all became futile endeavors though because I can only consume but not create. No matter how much I read up on totalitarian rulers, there are another mountains of materials to read up on. I can’t in good faith give any intelligent analysis on totalitarian because I didn’t do any rigor academia works on it. All I have is just 10 hours of half-baked readings and wasted time.
 
I also tried out different things, reaching out to every single thing I could think of in order to feel anything. However, all of them seem like a monumental task that will take too much time to conquer when I have this education obstacle in front of me pushing me back. It’s the fear of not being able to manage it this time round that incapacitated me to do other things. Critically thinking, I should set up a schedule but time passes so fast it’s scary. By the time I read up on stuff, it’s time to sleep again. It got worst now when I start spending time worrying about time passing so fast while I distract myself with bite-sized entertainment in youtube and forums. Before I realise, time had mercilessly passed and I did nothing of value again. Take writing this up for an instance. I took an hour to typed up all these bullshit and thus sacrificing all the time I could use for other meaningful things. Is typing up all these meaningful? No, but I already did it in order to satisfy the illusion of being productive. It’s a vicious cycle I can’t get out of and it’s slowly killing me inside.

I don’t believe in gods but playing acting as one rubs me the wrong way. Domesticating wild life to be pets felt like playing god. If not, what are the rationales behind domesticating them anyway? It all boils down to vanity and wanting to be in control. It’s not a necessity to domesticate them so doing it is all selfish desire . If you want to conserve them, leave it to experts who understand their needs and have infrastructures to make sure they live life like they are supposed to. It’s really fucked up to control their behaviors and forced it to act the ways you want them to. Domesticating wild life is equivalent to eugenics where you kill of what make them wild and force it to play well with human surroundings. We did enough fucked up things with inbreeding dogs already, do we really need another?

It’s a conflicting thought for me because I have no issue with designer child or eating meat. It’s probably because designer child is a decision humans made with their free wills and meat is a necessity for social ecological purposes. Domesticating wild life on the other hand goes against the free will of animals and is an unnecessary endeavor. Unless there’s a necessity, it’s best to just leave it as it is. We already did enough harm, so can we stop now for our selfish desire?

Do nostalgia bait articles earn any money? Probably not, otherwise they won’t all be so shitty. However, this is not a nostalgia bait article because it’s an article about now! Very positive and life changing. My life changed when I read point number 3.

5 things you should do when you are 24:
1. Go crazy! Why not? You only live once. Don’t worry about responsibility, that’s old people shit.

2.Travel around the world and learn nothing! Just spend ten of thousands of dollars doing similar things you can do in your country! That’s very fiscally responsible, but hey, look at these amazing architectures! Take some pictures and act all introspective as if you gained any insights after the trip. You still don’t know what Aleppo is though but who cares? You saw buildings and think you got something out of it!

3. Follow your dream! Don’t worry about not having one! Just follow it! Ignore the statistic of how only the top few percentile has a dream and achieved it. Ignore about fitting a square peg in a round hole. Life is not about taking it step by step and exploring the unknown and settle for what’s best for you next. It’s about dreams you have that are totally well thought out and not a heat of the moment thing. You know what you want since the day you are born; even though you have zero plan on what to do tomorrow! Remember your essay of “What you want to be” in primary 3? That didn’t change at all with circumstances!

4.Step out of your comfort zone! If you are an introvert, take a bold step and do some crazy shit that is not totally for you! Like a orgy party! Go there and try it out! You totally will be a new person coming out. I don’t know how you should go about it though.

5. Fall in love! Love is the nourishment for everything, you can’t survive without it. Don’t worry about fucking the other party up with baggage like having 0 future plan, 0 ambition, 0 stability and 0 worthy things that you can contribute to for a relationship. Be selfish, deceit and be dishonest about how your life is not just pokemon go and nothing else. What harm can it do besides a broken family where no one is happy? That doesn’t happen in the real world!

REMEMBER PEOPLE! FOLLOW YOUR DREAM! YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t worry about how 3/4 of the world is kinda messed up and you have 0 idea about it.

 

Chinese translation:

那些博取怀旧之情的文章有收稿费吗?我想应该没有吧,如果有的活那为什么都是些虚有其表却毫无内容的文章呢?可是,以下却不是博取怀旧之情的文章,而是讲述当下的现实。虽然现实但却充满了热情与正能量!尤其是第三点让我对人生感官有焕然一新的一面!

五项一个24岁的年轻人该做的东西:
1:过一个疯逛的人生。无视任何责任!责任感已经落伍!那是只有老年人才乎的东西。

2:环游世界旅行!放任自己!你应该花费十几千元去外国做些你在国内也能做的东西!那是多么有计划性的理财!看!那魁梧的建筑,多让人感叹!我想这份感叹 能补助您内心的温池,让你能觉得你得到了一些深奥的见解。那是什么见解我们就不必深究,也别管什么内心的温池到底是什么意思,更别管你对现代社会毫无概 念!最中要的是你得到了一些建筑屋的照片,能让你觉得自己领悟到了一些什么。

3:追求梦想!别管你是个毫无野心毫无梦想的人!也别管自己到底适不适合因为人生就是梦!什么一步一脚印的探索未来,然后再慢慢取决最好的下一步!那些都 是毫无用武之地的废材所说的话。虽然那应该是大多数人的想法但大多数都是笨蛋!你却不是!你是特别的存在!为什么?别管为什么。你只需要追求梦想。当你出 生之时,你就理应抱有梦想。你的梦想不只是一时的冲动!想想你三年级时写的梦想!那从来没因为各种因素而有所改变!

4:走出你熟悉的圈圈!如果你是一个内向的人,你可去尝试乱交派对!乱交是日文的词汇因为我们华人很有内涵,没有这种猥亵的词汇!当你走出乱交派对时,你会是个全然一新的人。如何参加这些派对你就别问我了,走出熟悉的圈圈, 自己研究吧!

5:谈场轰轰烈烈的恋爱!恋爱是滋养,是个让人健全的必要因素!不必在乎你是个毫无野心,毫无梦想,毫无好处的可怜人!也别管你能对他人付出什么!你所需 要的是诈骗与不诚实!诱导他人认为你除了精灵宝宝GO以外还有灿烂的人生!最坏的下场会是什么?破裂的家庭?不开心的人生?那些东西在现实生活中根本不存 在!

记得!最重要的是开心人生!追求梦想!别管什么四分之三的人口都是活在一些水生火热的非现实。我相信你!你是能做到的!

I was not a fan of X Japan and have zero idea what they are besides being a metal band before walking into this. I came out wanting to know more about them because it succeeded in making Yoshiki a fascinating figure. It makes me think about the state of rock music, what’s like to struggle with death, uncertainty and the trials and tribulations people went through. It is a very good introductory documentary for those who have zero idea on X Japan. It offers cursory glance on their major milestones and events; enough to pique your interest but not enough to be served as an biography.

Its structure around the theme of deaths felt befitting of the history of X Japan. It started off with one, ended with another, and continue again before they had another. This story like structure flows naturally and befits the mythical and mystique nature of X Japan and what I feel like the essence and why people like the band. Yoshiki is basically portrayed as a 50 hears old super hero! Of course it’s all embellish and played out but it’s solemn, serious and flashy enough for you buy to into the fantasy.

Critics are critical on how it’s too fictionalize and doesn’t go in-depth in giving us the human sides but it’s the exact anime like portrayal in the narrative that makes me like it as much as I did. That portrayal however, makes critics feel like it plays up the whole marketing angle considering this film coincides with their latest album. I watched it in some indie film festival sponsored by local art school in a country where X Japan CDs are not readily available so I don’t get the marketing angle.

IWICSYI

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