Or maybe I am the idiotic one because I don’t know how to love so I view sex as just a neutral thing you do, just like walking, eating and playing video game. I don’t think sex workers are degrading because I don’t uphold sex as some sacred act that you should only do for that special someone. I honestly think that people who uphold that value is trying to live in a fairy-tale story. I also don’t look at it as something special because it’s not. If you break it down mechanically, it’s just an act to propagate human descendants or a thing you do because it’s fun. It has no moral connotation, no baggage and no stigma. We are the only species on this whole fucking earth that create so much hubbub around this unimportant, everyday life act while all other animals don’t seem to care. The amount of stigma and gender politics around what should be deemed as something very common is rather hyperbolic.

I think the whole reason we are in this state of overrating the importance of sex is due to some fucked up mindfuckery that human beings applied to themselves throughout the centuries. One just have to look at our lexicon of vulgar language. It is made up of mostly sexually suggestive slurs so we are always taught since young that sex is vulgar and dirty, which honestly has no basis beside innate human reaction that made that idiotic connection of sex being dirty because you are  doing things from something or somewhere near where you pee.

Then we have sexually transmitted disease which is an unfortunate coincidence that supplied lots of fire power for bible thumping Christians to denounce sex as an dirty act. However, they failed to realize that disease are spread with all kind of contact including getting chicken pox just because you are at close proximity with someone. This is why the whole basis of spreading nasty disease=dirty has so little basis. I am pretty sure staying at close proximity with someone definitely does not violate any indecency law.

People tend to be very overly sentimental about their relationships. You just have to look at the amount of videos of dogs being loyal to their owners. From my experience of living with 20 over dogs for an extended period of time, is kinda true that dogs love their owners but it’s not true in the way people made it up to be. There are no magical connection or dramatic fairy tale bullshit of your dog visiting your grave.All that magical bond are just human’s self imposed bullshit because things are actually very realistic and mechanical. Dogs love you because you feed them and they like to hang around with you a because of that very reason. However, don’t think they won’t bite your face off if you touched them wrong because they are actually primal animals with not much rationale thoughts. Also, they will equally like any terrible human beings and totally forgot about you if they were well fed by someone new. Yes! I am saying that Hachiko won’t wait for his owner and died in front of shibuya station if he was well fed. It’s just a fucking myth. For every exaggerated tales of loyal dogs, you have tens of thousand of cases where dogs just went psychotic and bite their owners for no reason. Sure, they are amazing beings because we have the impression that they are way stupider than they are. This is why we are easily awed by their amazing ability of being able shit in a fucking toilet bowl because we sure as hell didn’t expect them to be capable enough to do that! If my intelligence is based on how I operate a toilet bowl, I might be the next fucking genius.

I wrote that long paragraph because I want to put a case that people kinda overly sentimentalize their bonds with other living beings. They think they are some mythical special connection that links people together. They want it to be like that because it’s a poetic narrative. All of that is well and good because the world is fucking stale so I would not blame anyone for injecting fantasy into their life. However, some type of fantastical bond is build upon sex. They build this imaginary bond and connection through this basic act and this is why they cherish the act of fucking as if it’s some special shit because they think it’s symbolic. They are symbolizing what is supposed to be a neutral act and add extra baggage and burden to an act that should be deemed as commonplace like eating and playing video game. This is why you don’t hear people saying silly stuff like how you treat your chef as a piece of overworked meat to satisfy your own gluttony but you will definitely hear a lot of bullshit about how sex workers are degrading their body and dignity. Give me a fucking break, if you don’t think sex is that special or symbolic, it will just turn into a service that people provide. If you think providing a service is exploitative, then that will be another argument all together.

Another argument is that no one wants to grow up to become a sex worker so it’s not a fulfilling job and it’s all hard work. What the fuck man, I am sure as hell that the sweeper downstairs don’t want to grow up to become a sweeper and it sure as hell is tedious job but we aren’t degrading him/her because they are respectable human beings doing good work. I myself hate my work and don’t think it’s fulfilling at all so why don’t you ask me why I don’t go for more fulfilling job? Maybe because I know all jobs are fucking tedious and that’s why you are paid to do so? My dream job is to stay at home and sleep whole day but I have to deal with this shit because this is the most comfortable shit that I got offered among all the other shit? I am sure that portion of sex workers are brutally forced into it but there exist a large portion of them who do it because it’s just another fucking job. They choose this line of profession like how you, me and everyone choose their line of profession. If all human beings don’t think of sex has any moral connotation or stigma, we might just make this line of profession way healthier and less abusive.

You only think sex workers are degrading because you are degrading them yourselves and don’t think it is a legit form of work. I don’t degrade them because they work hard and I respect them for it. Sex in itself is just a fun thing to do, it has no morality connotation, we humans are the one who over-complicate this shit and add our own connotation to it. I don’t think people working hard to provide a fun neutral act where both parties don’t subscribe any moral connotation to it is degrading at all.

I also want to mention that sex work is kinda tedious, a very good analogy will be game testing, what is supposed to be fun might not be that fun after it became a routine. However, even if it became a routine, they worked their hardest with the utmost patience to make their customer feel at home. They must pretend to enjoy what they do even if they don’t and that is very amazing and hard to do. Your part time guy in Target can give you a black face without much repercussions but sex worker can’t do that because it’s part and parcel of their job. I am a rather honest guy and is incapable to pretend to like anyone so I know how hard it is to put an act for your job. You know they are faking it and sometimes it’s not fun to get fucked, but never did they show a glimpse of that because they respect their customers. Similarly, you should reciprocate and respect them as professional because they are willing to put up with lots of bullshit. This pretty much moot the point of it being an easy job because it sure as hell it isn’t easy money.

Onto the bullshit they need to put up, which line of work does not have any bullshit customers? Why are we not as equally eager to say that we are demeaning developers because they worked crazy hours to bring us our games but we treat them like empty air? That’s because you think sex is special and have lots of imaginary emotion connections because you are living in your own fairy tale world, and that sex is some weird form of power fantasy bullshit.  I don’t because I treat it purely as a fun natural thing to do and sex worker are respectable workers that put up with bullshit similar to all kind of bullshit other line of work have to put up with.

I truly respect them and think they are just normal people like you and me and what they do for their job does not speak anything bad about them. This is why I think the whole stigma of prostitution is kinda fucked up because all these stigmas boiled down to our idiotic sanctimonious view on sex.

The only convincing reason why working in the sex industry might not be a good idea is because fucked up people who disrespect sex workers are aplenty. These fucked up people are dangerous because they turned what supposed to be fun into something akin to an assault. The bullshit  I mentioned in previous paragraph are more akin to taking too long, feeling very bored because customer is bad at it or having lots of weird ass harmless requests. Please don’t think I condone fucked up abusive shit like rape and forcing others to do what they aren’t uncomfortable with because that enters the realm of fucked up shit you shouldn’t do when you have sex. You need mutual respect to make sex a legit form of service, not one sided abusive power fantasy at play. This reason might also be why we should legalize prostitution so sex workers who got abused aren’t afraid to report it to the authority.

I actually read on a lot about prostitution and a lot of contention is because people view sex in a different way -the emotional power fantasy play I mentioned above. Why can’t it just be what it is? A fun thing to do that have no bullshit emotional baggage or social stigma? Or maybe just another long line of tedious service from the side of a sex worker?

I am an introvert. I hate being in situations where I will need to interact with another human being. I hate big parties. I have no idea why would people enjoy being together with a bunch of strangers just to celebrate their birthday.

I hate school. Not due to academic reasons, but social. It is clear that people approach the ‘elites’ so they can suck off them by copying homework, getting help with tutorials and tests. But are they friends? The lonely scholar considers them as friends, while the popular scholar sees them as ‘acquaintances-with-potential-benefits’.

To be honest, I have no idea what the above two paragraphs are supposed to be about.

As much as I hate interaction between humans, I am fortunate enough to have at least some friends. Frankly, I am surprised that I have friends… at least I deem them to be my friends and hopefully this friendship is mutual. Though I could count the number of people with both of my hands.

So what are friends? I do not know. But I do know I need them. I tend to feel negative and lonely easily, and I will always send random messages to my friends to save myself from the negative spiral of negative emotions I am always falling into. I am usually satisfied even with just a few sentences of conversation.

^wow I sound like some depressed fuck. Maybe I am, who knows.

Not sure if it is weird, but most of my friends are from my primary school days. The total number of friends I made since then could be counted with just a hand. And I think I will lose interaction with them sooner or later too.

And the amazing thing was that I had a girlfriend of four years. I have no idea how or why but she was willing to hang out with me. In the end we broke up, mainly due to me as I handled the conflict between her and my parents very poorly. I still regret it up to this day, thinking what would happen if I handled it differently every night.

After a few months, I then began to think, am I missing her, or am I missing the relationship? Would I forget about her if I were to enter another relationship? Or was it her that made the relationship special? I doubt I would ever know, for I doubt I would ever be able to have a fresh start once more, given my personality.

Then I thought about my friends. I am also amazed that I have friends, considering that I committed hideous acts to some of them in school. Are they my friends because they are them (as a person), or because of the interactions that we have? You can say that it is the person who does the acts, but the acts are also dependent on the person (No idea what this suppose to mean). And I think this is getting too philosophical.

But I am eternally grateful to my friends. I doubt anybody I know would read this anyway (other than the master of this page), but I thank them from the bottom of my heart. My actions may not reflect so, but I do appreciate being with them.

I suppose this is just a random rant by an incoherent drunk author with a poor command of the English language. Feel free to delete this post if you want to.

I didn’t like it. It shows a lot of promises in how it subverts some of the tropes in the beginning but then ended up with cliche tirade after tirade about hope, friendship and despair that you see in every other generic anime. It tries to grey it out by having characters with individual selfish desires but it not that in depth or well written. All of that ended with generic idealistic shonen stuff in the end anyway because bond, hope and friendships conquer all, man.

The beginning builds up my expectation of it being something subversive but it ended up playing some of the anime tropes too straight near the end. Felt that the mystery doesn’t pay off too, expected it to be more clever but it ended up very shallow. Basically it boils down to hey, it’s actually all random terrorist shit and I think we forgot to add any foreshadowing.

The characters are over the top and I expected them to be flamboyantly unique and charming like those in Phoenix Wright and Ghost Trick but they ended up being generic anime characters with generic lines about idealistic anime bullshit. Main character is the worst offender of this. I waited so long for his special reason to exist among these super elite and the end result is the most hamfisted generic anime writing 101 stuff. MY ULTIMATE HOPE CAN BEAT YOUR ULTIMATE DESPAIR BECAUSE ANIME!

I want to like it because it showed moments of brilliance and I enjoyed parts of it but it all falters in the end. I am more disappointed than thinking it’s a bad game to be honest. I also played it on psp way before the localized Vita version was even announced so all the expectations are build while I played the game, not before it. I haven’t play the second game yet but now that I know what to expect, I don’t think I would be that disappointed.

It will be interesting if I can track down the person behind one of those idiotic youtube comment. I would like to interview them on why they post what they posted and what went on in their head to think that posting idiotic comments like “Please get cancer” is a good idea. Exactly who are these people and what do they do in their life? I know around 200 people and not a single person ever posted a youtube comment. This makes me think that normal human beings don’t post youtube comments so who are these people exactly?  Are they 13 years old kid? That’s the only time where I felt compel to insult someone to defend my favorite thing. So I guess that explains all the idiotic comments on video game and anime videos but what about those creepy comments you can find on some vlog of some random girls? You know, those creepy comment about wanting to rape her and shit? What’s up with that? Those are so weird and creepy and definitely not by 13 years old, right?

If you think about it logically, the motivations to post these comments are very strange because there’s no motivation behind it at all. I guess most of them are just mindless comments posted without care but it’s just weird how they always default to vitriol and anger.

On another note, I always saw comments about how they don’t like one of the host of some free content because they don’t conform to their taste as if they are the central of the world and everything should be targeted towards them. If you don’t like them, just don’t watch it. I know that’s a tired and cliche advice but it’s true because ignoring the content is the best way not to give any attention to it. It’s also free anyway so you it’s kinda your fault to engage with it in the first place.

Then again, people will argue that they have the right to criticize because criticizing helps the person grow and it’s intelligent to criticize. That’s very true but criticism does not equal to vulgarity spills of how the guy fucking sucks without any constructive comments. You can also be very respectful and not overly aggressive in your criticism without insulting the guy but I guess being polite is a concept that is very difficult to grasp.

As a Japanese cartoon fan, 2007 is always memorable. I didn’t quite understand why but after looking back, I found out that 2007 was the time where the anime community just exploded with great fan creations and amazing stuff. This is thanks to the huge momentum build up since 2006 with Haruhi and it rode along with a boost by Hatsune Miku and a long string of amazing cartoons like Tengen Toppa among popular one like Code Geass. All of them great works that brought tons together  of talented fans with Nico Nico Douga as a platform to create. What happened next is nothing short of amazing because we got our own Nico Nico Medley anthem and my personal favorite song Okkusenman among other high quality fan works. Lots of talents such as Team Neko, ChouChou, Hyaidan(though he was already an insider back then), Supercell and such who are working in the industry now debuted back then too. 2007 was just an amazing years with huge amount of high quality fan works that  gave anime community their own identity. Then everything kinda mellow out right after that and continued on with a sustained pace.

2007 recipe of success is thanks to maturation of the internet along with tons of great anime coinciding and having a healthy platforms for fans to create their own similar community because everyone watches and listen to the same amazing stuff.  That’s too much coincidences that I doubt will happen anytime soon. At least I once lived and was active in that era,

Being proud of a country/someone is a very alienating concept because why should I be proud of what I didn’t do? Good for people that achieved it but feeling proud just because of what people did felt like leeching the success of others to me. Just because some people won some medals in a sporting event that I contribute nothing to, I have the right to rub off their success because they just so happened to live in the same location as me?

I am trapped in my own mind scape, thinking about unrelated shit and living my life in my own unique way within very specific restrictive vicinity so I really don’t fully understand the concept of patriotism or loving a country. It felt inherently wrong why we need to draw imaginary lines to separate us vs them. It also felt wrong to criticize Malaysia corruption for the sole intention to feel better of ourselves instead of criticizing them because you sincerely want them to improve.

I meant I understood the idea that it’s easier to micro manage things that are broken down to tiny parts and history had shown that a one unified country is a legislation nightmare and prove to have no benefits over multiple countries minding their own business and occasionally help up/work together. However these are all logical concepts with no tangible forms to make any emotional connection with so I am not comfortable to say I fully grasp and in support of it. This is what I meant when I say I don’t understood what it meant to be patriotic or to love your own country.

It’s also felt wrong why you should unquestionably love your country. I don’t love it because love is a strong emotion and I don’t hold that type of emotion for this land. Maybe appreciate is a better word,I guess. To me, love conjures up images of blind faith, extremism and defense against any criticisms no matter if they made any sense. The extend and vitriol people threw at someone who makes a stupid passing insult scares me and I don’t want to associate with them. These people love their country and it shows, and it’s scary. I know it’s getting into semantic argument but I am not comfortable with the word love. Appreciate is much gentle and disassociate with a lot crazy shit. So I am comfortable to say I appreciate this country, maybe.

A country is also a concept born from the human mind, a very complex concept that I am not even sure of because an alternative was never presented so it felt wrong to just accept and love it without spending time researching on it. So for now, I can only have a shallow appreciation for it because it allows me to live pretty comfortably.

#SG50, I guess.

Browsing through this blog, I am pretty sure I had been talking to myself for almost 3 years because who the fuck are these posts directed to other than myself? It’s all self reflection shit and talking about myself. It’s all about what I think as if it fucking matters. It’s so narcissistic and it’s kinda disgusting.

But people need an outlet to express their views because we are social animal, and my way is probably talking to myself on whatever platform because topics I want to discuss with can’t be discussed for reason ranging from “this is fucking boring” to “I don’t know what to say about that”. So I just kept on talking to empty air.

First it’s with this blog but blogging is too troublesome so I went to Facebook. Facebook troubles too many people because I found out that super long comments with the intention to spark some discussion or share thoughts that you think is interesting and hoped that they shared the same interest is something people really aren’t welcoming of. The urge of doing that is too huge for me to keep quiet so I tried to restrain myself by posting thoughts and place them as private posts, it’s a soothing outlet and kept my mouth shut so I really appreciate that. So in the end, I just tweet a lot because that’s my final frontier to reach out to a human being. I have like 6 human followers and I am surprise how no one unfollow me yet because it must be annoying reading so many garbage tweets. I think they are just being courteous and nice, which is a cool thing they do that I really appreciate.

Now this post looks like whiny sentimental shit, which is not my intention anyway but it reads like one so I am fucked. The need to express your views is a real one as accounted by how many garbage opinions that is out there on the web. I am aware of that but I am contributing to the problems so shit is fucked either way. It just felt good to put your thoughts out there, felt better when people acknowledge it, but that is getting into vanity and desperate attempt in attention territory and I loathe myself for that.
I will regret posting this, won’t I? I think I would and the vicious cycle of self loathe commences.

Japanese science fiction is always about schrodinger cat, it’s so common that it started to become laughable. Here’s a list of stuff that it appears in off the my top of head: Steins;Gate, Muv Luv, VLR, Purple Qualia, Eden, Ever17,I/O and almost every sci fic eroge about parallel universe and shit.

They also make it sounds more fascinating than it really is but the magic is gone when you repeated the same interpretation for the 100th time. Why are crazy magical shit happening in our stories? Because parallel world and let me spend 5 mins to explain to you about this schrodinger cat theory. PLOT TWIST!

We need a story to mock this trend and give a new interpretation to schrodinger cat to laugh at how stupid it is when another character starts sprouting this thought experiment.

I need writing practice. The most efficient way to improve one’s writing is thru writing. I will try to write some stories. All of them will be improvisations.

Just seconds ago, I saw a bunny died on a traffic junction. Why did it have to die? Where was its home and why of all place was he at a traffic junction? Random thoughts start bubbling in my head and I stood there contemplating the significance of the bunny’s death. Too bad, I was standing right in the middle of a busy traffic junction while I pondered on these meaningless faux philosophy. A vehicle, probably a luxurious sports car, failed to stop and ran over me. Now I am a flat pancake, not in the metaphorical sense but a real pancake.

I saw a homeless guy, about 50 and ragged, picked me up and place me on a plate while he traversed through the crowd. When he arrived at his destination, it was a comfy looking flat. He hesitated before reaching the handle but finally picked up enough courage and stepped in to the house. His clothes was now a neat tidy suit, all suave and looked very different from his ragged self just seconds ago. He was met with enthusiastic welcome from a cheery child, his daughter probably. He set the plate down and went to the kitchen for a knife, probably to cut me open. He came back with a sharp knife and began to cut me in half. I am a pancake so I was aware that my fate was to be sliced in half but I could never be prepared enough even though I knew it was coming since I was born, especially so when I was just a human minutes ago. When the knife reached my mid section, I was bleeding, but it was just my blueberry stuffing so I am not technical bleeding. I looked at the girl one last time but now she became a bunny, and I realized that she was dragging me away from a busy traffic junction. Oh look! I have white furs now. Ah! So I was the dead bunny after all.

The end.

I made the story up while I wrote. Many ideas crossed my mind but I always knew that I wanted the daughter to somehow be a bunny. I thought of many ways on how to write a heart warming story about repentance of the old homeless guy trying to grasp whatever he had lost by traveling back to the instance where he most cherished but I scrapped that in favour of some surreal stuff. This story formed very interesting imagery in my mind and I like how they are pieced together but I can’t quite put them in words. I swear there’s a logical story behind it but it can only be explained if you pry my brain open and look at it through my imagination. Ah, how I wished I have a machine that can project my imaginations into actual images but I have to  settle it with my terrible writing.

Study has shown that men are more likely to litter the floor with 8% admit that they litter while only 2% of women admit to the fact. This is certainly a disgusting, appalling and terribly ingrained act of sexism. When a man litter, he does not gives a fuck and expect others to pick up the garbage for him and stats has shown that cleaners are most likely women. This is a blatant act that shown how ingrained the patriarchy system is and how men are empowering themselves by dominating these poor woman cleaners.

We should stop this terrible act and ignore the fact that littering is just an ungraceful act because it’s an attack to modern day feminism! Here we have a video of a man and woman committing the act of littering and the result will shock you! NO ONE GAVE A FUCK WHEN THEY LITTER THE FLOOR BUT THE MAN STATED THAT HE FELT EMPOWERED BECAUSE HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS WHILE THE WOMAN ACT ALL DAINTY AND DISGUSTED BECAUSE IT’S NOT AN ACT THAT SHE IS COMFORTABLE WITH AND PEOPLE TOOK PICTURE OF HER BECAUSE SHE’S A HOT BLONDE WITH HUGE TITS AND PERFORM STUPID LOOKING STUNTS WHILE LITTERING. LITTERING IS SO FUCKING SEXIST!


  • I also have no idea how to deal with them so I just ignore because honestly man, does it really matter? 8 hours ago
  • More often than not, they are just normal dudes that does not deserve some of the vitriol people threw at them. 8 hours ago
  • I am a flawed human being so I understand why people sometime says bigot shit. It's why I try not to judge or say bad things about them. 8 hours ago
  • Shouting down on gg in an echo chamber is fucking useless as well so it just look like righteous indignation and fishing for validations. 8 hours ago
  • Might as well work hard to gain influence if you want people to be less shitty, mocking gamergates on forum gets you nowhere. 8 hours ago

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