Being proud of a country/someone is a very alienating concept because why should I be proud of what I didn’t do? Good for people that achieved it but feeling proud just because of what people did felt like leeching the success of others to me. Just because some people won some medals in a sporting event that I contribute nothing to, I have the right to rub off their success because they just so happened to live in the same location as me?

I am trapped in my own mind scape, thinking about unrelated shit and living my life in my own unique way within very specific restrictive vicinity so I really don’t fully understand the concept of patriotism or loving a country. It felt inherently wrong why we need to draw imaginary lines to separate us vs them. It also felt wrong to criticize Malaysia corruption for the sole intention to feel better of ourselves instead of criticizing them because you sincerely want them to improve.

I meant I understood the idea that it’s easier to micro manage things that are broken down to tiny parts and history had shown that a one unified country is a legislation nightmare and prove to have no benefits over multiple countries minding their own business and occasionally help up/work together. However these are all logical concepts with no tangible forms to make any emotional connection with so I am not comfortable to say I fully grasp and in support of it. This is what I meant when I say I don’t understood what it meant to be patriotic or to love your own country.

It’s also felt wrong why you should unquestionably love your country. I don’t love it because love is a strong emotion and I don’t hold that type of emotion for this land. Maybe appreciate is a better word,I guess. To me, love conjures up images of blind faith, extremism and defense against any criticisms no matter if they made any sense. The extend and vitriol people threw at someone who makes a stupid passing insult scares me and I don’t want to associate with them. These people love their country and it shows, and it’s scary. I know it’s getting into semantic argument but I am not comfortable with the word love. Appreciate is much gentle and disassociate with a lot crazy shit. So I am comfortable to say I appreciate this country, maybe.

A country is also a concept born from the human mind, a very complex concept that I am not even sure of because an alternative was never presented so it felt wrong to just accept and love it without spending time researching on it. So for now, I can only have a shallow appreciation for it because it allows me to live pretty comfortably.

#SG50, I guess.

Browsing through this blog, I am pretty sure I had been talking to myself for almost 3 years because who the fuck are these posts directed to other than myself? It’s all self reflection shit and talking about myself. It’s all about what I think as if it fucking matters. It’s so narcissistic and it’s kinda disgusting.

But people need an outlet to express their views because we are social animal, and my way is probably talking to myself on whatever platform because topics I want to discuss with can’t be discussed for reason ranging from “this is fucking boring” to “I don’t know what to say about that”. So I just kept on talking to empty air.

First it’s with this blog but blogging is too troublesome so I went to Facebook. Facebook troubles too many people because I found out that super long comments with the intention to spark some discussion or share thoughts that you think is interesting and hoped that they shared the same interest is something people really aren’t welcoming of. The urge of doing that is too huge for me to keep quiet so I tried to restrain myself by posting thoughts and place them as private posts, it’s a soothing outlet and kept my mouth shut so I really appreciate that. So in the end, I just tweet a lot because that’s my final frontier to reach out to a human being. I have like 6 human followers and I am surprise how no one unfollow me yet because it must be annoying reading so many garbage tweets. I think they are just being courteous and nice, which is a cool thing they do that I really appreciate.

Now this post looks like whiny sentimental shit, which is not my intention anyway but it reads like one so I am fucked. The need to express your views is a real one as accounted by how many garbage opinions that is out there on the web. I am aware of that but I am contributing to the problems so shit is fucked either way. It just felt good to put your thoughts out there, felt better when people acknowledge it, but that is getting into vanity and desperate attempt in attention territory and I loathe myself for that.
I will regret posting this, won’t I? I think I would and the vicious cycle of self loathe commences.

Japanese science fiction is always about schrodinger cat, it’s so common that it started to become laughable. Here’s a list of stuff that it appears in off the my top of head: Steins;Gate, Muv Luv, VLR, Purple Qualia, Eden, Ever17,I/O and almost every sci fic eroge about parallel universe and shit.

They also make it sounds more fascinating than it really is but the magic is gone when you repeated the same interpretation for the 100th time. Why are crazy magical shit happening in our stories? Because parallel world and let me spend 5 mins to explain to you about this schrodinger cat theory. PLOT TWIST!

We need a story to mock this trend and give a new interpretation to schrodinger cat to laugh at how stupid it is when another character starts sprouting this thought experiment.

I need writing practice. The most efficient way to improve one’s writing is thru writing. I will try to write some stories. All of them will be improvisations.

Just seconds ago, I saw a bunny died on a traffic junction. Why did it have to die? Where was its home and why of all place was he at a traffic junction? Random thoughts start bubbling in my head and I stood there contemplating the significance of the bunny’s death. Too bad, I was standing right in the middle of a busy traffic junction while I pondered on these meaningless faux philosophy. A vehicle, probably a luxurious sports car, failed to stop and ran over me. Now I am a flat pancake, not in the metaphorical sense but a real pancake.

I saw a homeless guy, about 50 and ragged, picked me up and place me on a plate while he traversed through the crowd. When he arrived at his destination, it was a comfy looking flat. He hesitated before reaching the handle but finally picked up enough courage and stepped in to the house. His clothes was now a neat tidy suit, all suave and looked very different from his ragged self just seconds ago. He was met with enthusiastic welcome from a cheery child, his daughter probably. He set the plate down and went to the kitchen for a knife, probably to cut me open. He came back with a sharp knife and began to cut me in half. I am a pancake so I was aware that my fate was to be sliced in half but I could never be prepared enough even though I knew it was coming since I was born, especially so when I was just a human minutes ago. When the knife reached my mid section, I was bleeding, but it was just my blueberry stuffing so I am not technical bleeding. I looked at the girl one last time but now she became a bunny, and I realized that she was dragging me away from a busy traffic junction. Oh look! I have white furs now. Ah! So I was the dead bunny after all.

The end.

I made the story up while I wrote. Many ideas crossed my mind but I always knew that I wanted the daughter to somehow be a bunny. I thought of many ways on how to write a heart warming story about repentance of the old homeless guy trying to grasp whatever he had lost by traveling back to the instance where he most cherished but I scrapped that in favour of some surreal stuff. This story formed very interesting imagery in my mind and I like how they are pieced together but I can’t quite put them in words. I swear there’s a logical story behind it but it can only be explained if you pry my brain open and look at it through my imagination. Ah, how I wished I have a machine that can project my imaginations into actual images but I have to  settle it with my terrible writing.

Study has shown that men are more likely to litter the floor with 8% admit that they litter while only 2% of women admit to the fact. This is certainly a disgusting, appalling and terribly ingrained act of sexism. When a man litter, he does not gives a fuck and expect others to pick up the garbage for him and stats has shown that cleaners are most likely women. This is a blatant act that shown how ingrained the patriarchy system is and how men are empowering themselves by dominating these poor woman cleaners.

We should stop this terrible act and ignore the fact that littering is just an ungraceful act because it’s an attack to modern day feminism! Here we have a video of a man and woman committing the act of littering and the result will shock you! NO ONE GAVE A FUCK WHEN THEY LITTER THE FLOOR BUT THE MAN STATED THAT HE FELT EMPOWERED BECAUSE HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS WHILE THE WOMAN ACT ALL DAINTY AND DISGUSTED BECAUSE IT’S NOT AN ACT THAT SHE IS COMFORTABLE WITH AND PEOPLE TOOK PICTURE OF HER BECAUSE SHE’S A HOT BLONDE WITH HUGE TITS AND PERFORM STUPID LOOKING STUNTS WHILE LITTERING. LITTERING IS SO FUCKING SEXIST!

I used to be a Pokemon fan. I woke up every Saturday morning to catch a Pokemon episode. School used to force us to attend extra curriculum lesson on Saturday and I skipped all of them because I want to watch Pokemon. I played Pokemon Red/Blue so much that I can complete it within 2 hours by utilizing turbo speed on my Gameboy emulator. I could navigate the dark cave without flash and avoid every trainer battles. I am very hardcore.

I followed every iteration of Pokemon until emerald, then I realise that they are just repeated content with marginal improvement every generations. The mechanic and concept of the game didn’t change or improve much and the new thing you can do now is molest your Pokemon. How can people accept this bullshit when they are outraged by the yearly update of sports game and Call of Duty? Why are the same people that call bullshit on CoD, accept Pokemon so whole heartily? What the fuck is wrong with people? Pokemon is the least improved game from its first generation to its last and Gamefreak had pretty much ship the same fucking game for 18 years. It’s one of the least innovative game in terms of progression I ever see. I personally will not support this bullshit because you are telling the developer that it’s ok not to innovate and we will accept a mere skin change with recycled material.

This is just bullshit to me. I don’t even want to criticize the money grubbing bullshit of releasing different version of the same game tactic. People are livid when Capcom pulls that shit but it’s ok with Pokemon. Why? I have no fucking idea. This lead me to think that Pokemon is the best example of fanboy double standard and how consumer culture can be pretty terrible.I know nerds are ready in arms to counter my points by saying that they added mechanics like element and type and bullshit like that. It doesn’t fucking matter in a Single Player mode when I can just press A and mowed my way through the fucking game while I experience the same old fucking bullshit story of Pokemon thief and fighting gyms. True, if the core mechanics are so good that we shouldn’t touch it, at least make the fucking story different. People notice the bullshit that Rocky and Rambo pulled with their sequels and it became a laughing stock. Now we should gather all the cool kids and start making Pokemon seems like a laughing stock so they might actually give us a different game next time.

Gen Urobuchi’s popularity is weird considering years ago before Stein;Gate and Fate/Zero(a novel derived from visual novel that make people who diss Fate/Stay Night re-look at it), people don’t really take visual novel seriously. They are seen as porn games and nothing good will ever come out from it. Then Gen Urobuchi took what were great in visual novel(the line crossing melodrama and brutality) to anime and people start to love these visual novel tropes.

It’s weird because the things he brought in are always present in Visual Novel and the same people who look down on it before are now embracing and loving the shit out of this guy. Before Fate/Zero and Madoka, Nitro+ has already been doing brutal shit like Kikokugai and Saya no Uta. Hell, besides Nitro+, the whole visual novel scene is full of crazy brutality you have never seen in anime like Muv Luv Alternative. If you thought Madoka was brutal, Muv Luv Alternative is at least 10x darker and edgier. Pretty sure the Mami head biting stuff is inspired by Muv Luv Alternative as well.

People’s fascination with visual novel like brutality continues on with Attack of Titan and people again love how brutal it was without realizing that Muv Luv Alternative is the inspiration of the manga and was way more bleak and brutal than the manga will ever be.

So am I implying that people who once look down on visual novel are ignorant? Yes, definitely, they wrote off everything about it(like how people wrote off anime as pedophilia bullshit and DBZ) and ended up loving tropes and element that were introduced to anime by it. It’s the same as light novel because people don’t realize that Twelve Kingdom is a light novel and there are too many great light novels to write the whole medium off. Light novel is a marketing label anyway and they can turn everything that you once identify as real literary work into a light novel. For eg, if Murakami’s novels were adapted into anime or publisher think his work suits the light novel crowd and it’s a great idea to publish it as a light novel, they will fucking do it. Happened to Hyouka and Another by the way.

However, that’s not what I want to discuss today. What I want to say is that, as someone who’s renowned for his edginess and brutality, Gen Urobuchi is pretty weak in terms of human suffering and edginess. I can easily list down tons of things that are way more brutal than works that he had done.

This might stem from the fact that Gen Urobuchi writes concept better than he writes characters. How brutal a work is is directly related to how attached you are with the characters. So when I see people head got bitten off, I will feel more desperation when the character is someone that I like instead of someone that I barely even care.

I don’t like any of Gen Urobuchi’s character in Fate/Zero and Madoka except for Waiver and Rider. They are all generic anime characters with generic anime motivation that isn’t even cool like Onizuka. I need something relevant to real life or over the top anime-ish awesomeness to care about a character. Waiver and Rider with their larger than life personality is what I am looking for.

The others? I can’t even remember much about them. Kyoko’s plight and motivation is because of something that has to do with her father, who I might add is someone that was only introduced through exposition so I don’t really know or care. Madoka’s plight is what? I have no idea. Akemi’s whole motivation is that she wants hot lesbian sex with Madoka but disguise it as friendship and all of these were build up with 1 episode. Weak characters that I can’t attach to because they aren’t realistic or awesome.

I did say Urobuchi is better with concept than character but then again, not saying that they are bad but the concepts of Urobuchi aren’t that bleak anyway. His world destruction and human sufferings are pretty tame. Take Sayaka from Madoka for example, her plight is all anime-ish melodramatic girly relationship issue and the whole end result of being magical girl is just turning to a witch for balance of energy.

There are too much hope and positivity with that scenario of entropy(shitty wrong science by the way) being unbalance. It can be easily solved with a lot less sacrifice that won’t affect the world population. In my eyes, that’s not edgy at all because I am too savvy with Bokurano’s manga with the character’s plight being getting raped, being bullied for having a prostitute mother and family crumbling down. The end result of Bokurano’s characters? Annihilation of a whole parallel universe and imminent death. What the character needs to go through? Commit fucking genocide of the whole population while vomiting to keep their own universe safe.

All these just make the plight and suffering of Madoka look like kiddy stuff because Bokurano deal with realistic issues with true bleakness that has no hope or anyway out. Maybe people like Madoka for other reason but I am looking for real brutality and hopeless situation but it failed to deliver consider all the rage and hype from it.

People also bring up all the talk of deconstruction of magical girl show as if they have seen more than one magical girl show in their life. This is why I don’t buy the deconstruction allure to it because I know of the fact that people who brought it up have not seen enough magical girl show to even be qualified to make that fucking statement.

I actually don’t even know what deconstruction means because I have never seen a good, easy to understand example of it. I read the wikipedia and its all complicated literary jargon that seems difficult to understand without taking real literary lesson. Hell, the wikipedia page of it list “This article may be too technical for most readers to understand.” as an issue so I doubt people who use the word deconstruction even know what it means. They just take it as taking apart common elements of a genre and give an idea of what will really happen in real life if they attempt that. For example, when a harem main try to peek in the woman bath room, he will most likely be caught and send to court trial instead of getting away with a punch. But I don’t think that’s even true because I don’t want to assume what’s right or wrong when I have no idea what it really means.

Then again. if you want to assume that deconstruction means that, I think Magical Punie Chan did the whole deconstruction of magical girl stuff better with more satirical edge and it’s actually funny and mean spirited in a good with pretty realistic character’s personality. Like if you have real magical power, you will be Punie Chan and abuse it to make people as your slaves to power your train. At least that’s what I will do.

Incest that is not rape or pedophilia but true love between two consenting party is not inherently wrong because there’s no good rationale behind why is it wrong. It’s very simple, can you give me a rationale reason why is it wrong? I personally cannot come out with anything beside personal repugnance or higher chance of passing lousy recessive genes to their offspring.

Personal repugnance is not a good argument because for example, I feel disgusted by snakes and large amount of tiny holes but they are really nothing wrong with them and they deserved every right to stay. If people like snakes or tiny holes then what rights to I have in meddling with them?

Incest don’t necessary produce deformed baby, there’s just a higher chance of getting one but that happens to everyone with terrible genes. It is wrong to stop people with terrible genes that may cause deformed baby to have sex and so is the same with those who love their sister. Sure, I understand there’s a biological reason for our disgust in incest and incest create genetic clones that doesn’t diversify and blah blah blah but homosexual can’t even produce babies and we have since understood that it’s not a really good argument because it’s not an issue that is even widespread enough to make it significant.

Seriously, what wrong with it? I don’t see anything wrong with incest anime. You can’t make a moral argument against it. Even if you argue that such a serious taboo topic should be handled with care, why the hell is it even a serious taboo topic in the first place when there’s nothing inherently wrong with it?

If there’s nothing wrong with it and it harms no one, I don’t see any reason why we really should condemn incest.

This is the recent post I made on facebook when a friend asked for anime recommendation. He is a casual fan who watched only a couple of popular shows, in other words, normal people. I did recommend him some of his favorite in the past and hint, none of the show I ever recommended him are in my top 10, except of KGNE, which is the dud where I learned that recommendation is not about listing favorite but a game of maximizing your batting average of pleasing someone:

My taste is so weird now that I am not confident enough to recommend something normal people would like but my go to choice for crowdpleaser are popular stuff like “Samurai Champloo”, “Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann”, “Full Metal Panic”, “Natsume Yujinchou“, “Rurouni Kenshin: Tsuiokuhen” and “Perfect Blue”.

“Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai”, “EF a Tales of Memories” and “Sakamichi no Apollon” were pretty good if you like stuff like Kanon 2006.

“Stein;Gate”, “Baccano” and “Tiger and Bunny” are something really popular that a lot of people like.

“One Out” and “Kaiji” if you like gambling/sport stuff.

“Cross Game” and “Hyouka” if you can stand something like Toradora.

These are all popular stuff I could think of that normal people should like. If you have no idea what to choose, “Ano hi Mita Hana No Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai” and “Sakamichi no Appollon” are things that I think you would like. They are pretty short, new, simple yet entertaining drama that work for many people.

Do I really think that Sakamichi no Apollon, Ef A Tales of Memories, Hyouka or Ano Hana are the best show in the universe? No, they ranked quite low in my own list but I recommend them because they are overwrought melodrama that works for many people. You can criticize their sledgehammer approach of manipulating emotion and their cheesiness, but normal people don’t really care because they are easily prone to these manipulation. People love the simple, hard hitting and sledgehammer approach way in story telling. What “show don’t tell”, what subtlety, what subversion, what depth, what new perspective, what implications and wrong messages? They don’t give a flying fuck. Proof? People love these shows and are fairly popular. KGNE on the other hand is way to polarizing, so protip, don’t recommend polarizing stuff like Book of Bantorra and KGNE.

If you look at your average anime viewers, they don’t really care so much about the quality of a work but more about if it’s enjoyable in their own terms. Their own terms include shonen and sometimes popular stuff  that you don’t understand like SAO and K-on. They also don’t read up on stuff so you would be surprise that they don’t know show like Mirai Nikki exist. So here’s my theory, beside the emotionally manipulative approach, most people love simple stuff that appears to have something smart or deep in them.

In order to qualify as a show with seemly depth and smartness, both of the qualities must be very pronounced, again with a sledgehammer approach. If they don’t get it, it must be shout in their face to create an illusion that it has those qualities, even they are really nothing underneath it ala Code Geass and Mirai Nikki.  I mentioned that because I found out that it doesn’t really matter if people don’t understand a show, they will still lap it up for some reason if you had create enough illusion of depth. I doubt many people could tell me what’s the point of Evangelion but normal people love it. This is further supported by how you have heard of things like “I don’t understand Inception, but it’s very good and clever!”. All these work because of  the shouting of “I have depth, I am smart” in people’s face till the extend that they really believe in it, regardless of whether it’s really there. This is very important because most people don’t grasp subtlety.

This is why I don’t recommend the really subtle or weird stuff like Haibane Renmei, Planetes and Mind Game because they have a weaker batting average of people liking it. Akira is very weird and kinda subtle as well so in fact, I won’t really recommend it because contrary to popular belief, normal people don’t really like it.

Recommend Code Geass over stuff like Haibane Renmei and Sword Art Online over Mind Game. Statistic has shown that more people get and enjoyed CG and SWO over Mind Game or Haibane Renmei. I also did some experiment and got really bad results with critics darling like Planetes and Wings of Honneamise and got unexpected result of people liking K-on, SWO, Mirai Nikki and Code Geass. If you think about it, what’s the point of recommending people stuff? It’s to tell them show that you think they would like instead of things you personally like. The end game of this all is really about maximizing batting average, not listing your favorite. Normal people much prefer explicit material than implicit stuff.

P.S: I am not judging the quality of any show, I am just telling you that you should recommend things that are not subtle, regardless of what you think of their quality.

Kokou no Hito is a manga adaptation of a Japanese novel by Nitta Jirou that journalize the mountain climbing exploit of a real Japanese hard ass mountain climber in the 30s named Kato Buntarou who have written essays of his solo climbing expedition that were used to adapt to the novel which then again got adapted to the manga by artist Sakamoto Shinichi with help from the adaption of the novel’s story by Nabeta Yoshiro even though Sakamoto Shinichi did the story after volume 4.

Yes, it’s a complicated web of multiple authors but Sakamoto Shinichi is our guy here because it’s ultimately his own story. He deviate a lot from the novel which took place in the 1930s and modernize it. I personally deduced that this complicated web of different authors explained the different in directions and focus the comic book took after the first few volumes.

The first few volumes acted like a shonen sport manga. Our hero Mori Buntarou(before he changed his name to Kato Buntarou), an anti social student with a mysterious past got inspired by a hard ass shonen hero’s rival and took up mountain climbing as a hobby. The story then introduced us with a passionate mentor and a likable innocent love interest that will act as the pivot of the love triangle between our hero and hard ass shonen hero’s rival. Not only that, it also introduced a mysterious bishonen rival that seems to be related to our hero’s dark past. It’s build up as a competitive adventure that will teach us valuable lessons on bonding and friendship through the sport of mountain climbing.

And……….. all of those got thrown away after the first few volumes. Our hard ass shonen hero’s rival became a con man and a worthless adult throughout the comic. The passionate mentor got a rock in his face and died. The love interest became a prostitute that stole our hero’s money because she is a bitch. Mysterious bishonen rival only appeared in 2 chapters and shown to be dead in the K2 mountain by the end. Our hero learned that he really enjoyed the solitude after all his buddies died during a dangerous expedition. Every time he tries to play the friendship game, it will hinder him and the only way he felt at home is by going solo without any friendship and bonding bullshit to bog him down. Most of the time when he meet new characters, they are awful human beings that are selfish little piece of shit that hinder his mountain climbing ambition.


If there’s a deconstruction of shonen manga, Kokou no Hito is the one. It’s an anti thesis of shonen sport manga. What you normally think that will build up as a hot blooded shonen plot, it will then subvert the shit out of it and tell you that this shit will never fly in real life.

In the end, the manga is not really about mountain climbing but a psychological analysis and character study of Mori/Kato Buntarou . It’s all about how an outcast with no other desire than mountain climbing live and feel. All the other side characters(that got thrown away like garbage) and mountain climbing stuff are tools to develop Buntarou as a character . You get lots of interesting metaphorical imagery to describe Buntarou as a human being.

Buntarou is an interesting characters and his story gave you a interesting perspective of a different lifestyle of solitude without condemning or approving that lifestyle . Normally, stories will tell you that bond is good while solitude is bad and even though Kokou no Hito does slightly adhere to that moral near end, it also says that solitude isn’t really that bad and bonding might not be that amazing either. In the end, you need a bit of both, be considerate to people around you while still living your life aloof.


  • When Notch expressed sadness, people yelled at him about how he doesn't deserve to be sad, and you wonder why dude is depressed. 41 minutes ago
  • The less time you worry about money, the more time you worry about the reason why you even exist. Worst thought cycle to be caught in. 52 minutes ago
  • It's really not difficult to sympathies, money does not make you happy, it just make you not worry about financial security. 55 minutes ago
  • Notch has obvious existential issue and thinking he does not deserve the money. I would too if I got rich out of nowhere and become a bum. 55 minutes ago
  • Also, everyone remembers DYRL instead of that song they sang in the tv series. Still doesn't sound dated at all, pretty much evergreen now. 6 hours ago

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