The 3rd paragraph onwards is some sort of story setting script I wrote in hope it could be used for my FYP project. If you wonder how I could fit a stupid story like this in a FYP project, please be reminded that I was that stupid kid who some how managed to shoehorn the ending of a stupid anime into my examination presentation about memories. Probably won’t work this time round because as much as I love that presentation, my score for it was abysmal. I won’t want to do it any other way but I do understand why that’s a pretty idiotic move. I doubt anyone is receptive to outlandish shit like these.
 
No one ever told me my out of left field crazy ideas were ever a good idea. Very discouraging to be honest, I always remember one of my fellow student told me I should rein it in because it’s will only jeopardize myself and it’s very true. My poly day was probably my most restrained period and it’s also my most successful period as a human being. It still destroyed me near the end though because I am tired of it and it was made worst when I realize that my true self in which I strongly believed in is probably very wrong. The soul crushing experience of realizing how the guy you always want to be is the very being the society deemed as selfish. I don’t know man, our society is not very conducive for outlandish ideas, especially outlandish ideas that are very useless monetarily. It’s better to just do it safe and be a normal person thinking about normal productive thing. Going around having crazy ideas just for shit and giggles is very irresponsible. Not giving any fuck and think you could take on the world and live for yourself is very naive.
 
I still slip in crazy stuff and constantly do what were deemed as unproductive shit out of spite anyway. It got so bad now my whole being is spite personified. It will imminently self destruct one day and at best, I will be a husk of a man and at worst, I probably died being remembered as a human scum.
 
“It’s the year 2106, full automation is in effect but the transition of of workforce to machine is still an ongoing process. Human labours are made obsolete, and large swath of averaged skilled workers were sacrificed after the advent of the first batch of tireless mechanical workers 50 years ago. The world population suffered mass existential crisis after seeing their life long effort being replaced with ease. The imbalanced yield from the production rates of these tireless machines, heavily bias towards the upper echelon, created a ever consuming vacuum within the wealth spectrum. Middle class is history, the average population couldn’t catch up with the speed of exponential progress, thus the once cog in a wheel turned into mere rust, hindering more than helping. However, promises were made, once the production rates were high enough, even the most poverty will reap benefits from trickle down effect.
 
Years passed and the promises held true, however, the self esteem of the average populations are in shambles. Productive work that anyone could manage with hardwork is no longer a concept so people recluse into their safe cocoon, only consuming and never producing. Jobs are only available for the top elites and even that is thinning out. A silver lining arises amidst this bleak landscape, in which humans start to realize what it meant to be a human. With such succinct and numerous comparisons with our mechanical companions, humanity was made obvious, and curiosity was the answer. Yes, curiosity was what left to satiate our self worth.
 
People started to conjure out their own mysteries and set on in solving them for leisure. It’s all irrelevant self satisfaction activities but that’s what differentiate us from robots, they are too optimized in productivity that extraneous activities such as these are their only incompetence. Self made conspiracy theories, the once abhorred activity seen as a stifle in progress is one of the few things left that motivates the creativity in people. The trick is anyone of any level of intelligence could participate in it. However, another group of people, 2 persons to be accurate, have another idea in mind, solving past mysteries that were made irrelevant but had once captivate the whole nation.Be it the real identity of Zodiac Killer, or the disappearance of Amelia Earhart, these two set out to solve any unsolved mysteries from centuries ago. What started as an innocuous journey with an assumption of futility, unravel one of the most heinous crime in human history. It all started in year 2020, inside a medical facility in China… …”
The heinous crime hinted at the end is the real life story of the head transplant surgery that the Italian mad surgeon wants to conduct on a Russian dude. It will be full of bullshit conspiracy theories like how the government will bury the truth of how the operation succeeded in fear of transgression against humanity because the breakthrough is unethical and the technological advancement in CRISPR, that sciency elixir of genetic engineering, which was advanced and used by the operation will redefine society as a whole and they are afraid of that. However, the government used the research of CRISPR with the data from the head transplant surgery to build the robot ai which will take over the workforce and rendered everyone useless later on. They want to keep it a secret because that will be like using human experiment data during the nazi regime to make some life changing good shit and society is not ready for that.
The following paragraphs are banal.
“Depression is not sadness. It’s almost not even a feeling because it felt like a void. It leans heavily towards apathy because you start wondering what’s the whole point in doing what you are doing thus rendering you incapacitated.
 
The scary thing is you can’t talk people out of it because they already did everything they could, often with more fervor than you suggest to no avail. The feeling of worthlessness is deafening as it’s very easy to fulfill self prophecies. It’s not difficult to find how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of thing. One look at the news and you see thousands in death count. You often wonder what differentiate you from them and there’s no justification on why they are just a statistical number and you are not. It has high doses of self loathe so compassion doesn’t work because you don’t think you deserve it. Everything looks bleak with no light at the end of the tunnel.
 
The triggers are always random, you have no idea what started this downward spiral because it’s most likely the accumulation of lots of thing. The problem has too many roots you can’t potential severed them all. There’s nothing you can do beside letting time passes by looking at the hopelessness of it all.”

“The worst question one could ask oneself is “are you happy?” Nothing good will ever come out from that. You will always end up finding yourself knee deep in a rabbit hole with no conclusion. Even if you had moments of happiness, you realize they are feeble and temporary, just a moment of relief before they disappear and you end up wondering if they were real in the first place.

I don’t think I will ever attend my own graduation ceremony. Resorting to a life of soul sucking depressing job for the rest of my life next is probably not an occasion worth celebrating. Probably will feel like killing myself every June because there won’t be anymore month long holidays. Getting found out I have learned nothing useful after years of education and a depressing future of seeing robots taking over my job is everything I see.

Worst of all, there’s no scapegoat to blame, you fully understand the whole problem lies on you, and you are the only person you can blame. Why don’t you have any ambition? Why are you so irresponsible? If everyone thinks like you, our whole society will collapse. Your parents didn’t spend thousands of dollars hoping to see you become a degenerate.

There’s nothing you can do so one day, you decided you had enough. You tried to erase your ties with everyone and thin your existence so no one will be affected when you are gone. That’s the day where you pick up your backpack and travel to somewhere no one could find you. You then turned on your phone and found a Pikachu on Pokemon Go and realize your phone is out of batt. You then return home and charge it before returning to the same place to catch the Pikachu. After that, you got tired and went home to sleep. You forgot about every thing the next day because hey, you got a Pikachu!” ~ Pokémon Go, life saviour for degenerates. Save Pokémon Go, Save People. A PSA to stop the monitoring of Pokémon Go.

I don’t feel anger that often. I can count my anger episodes in 1 hand. Sure, I have many episodes of pissed off but those are just minor annoyances and go away after 3 seconds. They are more of a gut reaction than actual anger.

Today reminds me how anger felt like. Anger is not gut reaction, it comes from something tangible. It’s a problem that do no go away after 5 seconds because it’s an issue you feel strongly about and you can’t solve it. Your body is shaking and things go through your head because you try to rationalize why the other party did what he/she did but it makes no sense because what they did is truly stupid and unknowingly affect others in unimaginable ways. The rationale is always ignorance so you know they don’t have any bad intention but the shit they did is so bad that intent doesn’t matter. The ignorance just make it worst because they have zero idea why they are in the wrong and no one can convince them otherwise.

Anger stems from irreparable damage, you are angry because shit is already fucked and you can’t do a single shit about it. The hopelessness is deafening and you tried everything but it won’t go away.  That’s legit anger. It’s probably a good emotion to have because it’s a reminder that there are shit that are irreparable and instead of being apathetic, you try to attack it aggressively.  Of course, it might all be futile aggressiveness but at least you tried to solve it and who knows, things might not be a irreparable as you thought.

With this episode, now I understand protestors and have a deeper appreciation of successful protests. I won’t go into the detail on what I am angry about but it’s related to how a team mate did something unnecessary and jeopardize the whole social balance and mood of the team. Now all the team mates probably hate him and he doesn’t seem to notice it.

Actually I get porno fanart because I am a big perv who read tons of hentai manga. However, I really have zero idea why hentai of mickey mouse exist. People get off on that? Cool, who am I to judge because I read Uziga Waita. Actually, what I don’t get is the psyche of anyone who drew lewd stuff of characters, especially innocent as shit one like my little pony and mickey mouse. I kinda understand how the twist of appearing to be innocent but is actually sex positive can be erotic but mickey mouse? Really? Never in my life where I had any thoughts of wanting to draw any lewd art, especially not pony with vagina.It’s interesting how one day, someone will get up and feel compel to draw penis on a cartoon mouse. It makes no sense to me.

Is it because I have zero drawing talent and how if I am talented, I will get it because it seems like artists really love drawing lewd stuff. Anecdotally, all the illustrators I know love to draw something lewd for god knows why. All of them somehow lean towards it and that’s how we got tons of sexualized comics and fanarts. Do you honestly believe that Wonder Woman was drew like that because sex sell? No! Dude is just someone who love S&M bondage stuff and most of them are pervy like that.

No one told Gainax artists to draw bouncing boobs. They just draw it for fun and tons of artists agree it’s a great idea and follow it up with zero collusion. It’s this idea of how anyone could think that drawing big bouncy boobs is fun that I find fascinating. Sure, I can understand how it might be fun after I know it exists but I am intrigued by how anyone could come up with it in the first place.

I tried to search on google of why artists are pervy and love to draw lewd art but got no result. I thought it will be interesting to understand the psyche of them but I can’t find anything. Seriously, I am not condemning or think they are bad, I am just really fascinated by what drove them and why a huge subset of artists are like that. I know this blog has no reader but I really hope some one can share their experience on this trend of artist drawing lewd art. I think a good story can be told with that.

My guess is that artists are very creative individuals and they love to explore abstract and outlandish ideas and sex is exactly that. It’s alluring to them because it’s shocking and artists love to differ from the norm so lewd arts are their statements of being a deviant. They hate establishment, love freedom of expression and they feel that sex is this culturally repressed shit so they want to unlock it to make the ultimate expression of freedom. They feel they could successfully free this culturally repressed beast by drawing lewd art.At least, that’s my conclusion and it sounds good so I will go along with it.

I have seen a fair share of excellent opinions on cartoon but I have never read any good debate on the merit or demerit of it, why? Because all of it is subjective and it doesn’t matter in the end.

I was watching Lindsey Graham talking to Trevor Noah and they were debating on issues with radicalized Islam and they ended the debate in an amicable standstill of agree to disagree. Issues on radicalized Islam from a senator is serious shit with serious repercussions and they could end it by agreeing to disagree because both of them are smart enough to know that they can’t convince one another and no one really knows who’s right or wrong.

This is why it boggles my mind when people are so invested in proving the other party is wrong when it comes to opinion of a cartoon. Firstly, it won’t affect anything if one side is wrong, and secondly, it’s really very difficult to be wrong with subjective opinions on entertainment.

Enjoyment derived from entertainment has lots of nuance and abstractions. Most of the time, it’s just getting the right thing at the right time. For example, I thought Gundam 08th MS Team has stale dialogs and the motivation of why anyone is fighting anyone can be stronger or clearer but I was in the mood of watching a well animated show on robots fighting robots with some star crossed lover shit thrown in so I liked it.

Gundam Wing has shoddy character motivation, I still don’t know what Treize is thinking. Does he like war? Why? If he likes war, why did he strive for peace at the end? Why even start off duping the Gundam pilots to kill off a shuttle of peace loving decision makers? It was once thought that he was some arm dealer for some cartel but what he did later on contradicts all of that. It’s not made clear what’s his motivation is, his nonsensical speech on beautiful battles and stuff are weird as fuck too. That’s just one of the many issues of Gundam Wing have. For example  you also have people saying awkard dramatic lines and acting edgy as fuck at inappropriate time, Relena falling in love with an asshole who wants to kill her and the constant glorification of suicide by making it a cool thing to self destruct among many other weird things.

Even with all that, I genuinely enjoyed the show because they are very serious with their nonsense. It’s a bunch of crazy people doing crazy shit and everyone in the universe think what they said made sense. The cool battles scenes help too. I also find the edginess that appeal to your chuuni teenagers to be very interesting. It helps me look back on why I love stuff like that back then and thought this is mature deep shit even though they are all juvenile. It’s interesting and I love the nostalgic factor of it. So if anyone ask me for a justification on why I love Gundam Wing, it will be pretty difficult because I like it in-spite of  its flaws. The whole reason can be boiled down to nuance and watching it at the right time with the right mindset of how all these are silly shit with some cool stuff thrown in. Any other day with any expectation of watching a good show, I would hate it like Code Geass because lots of flaws of Code Geass I hate are the same shit that boost my enjoyment in Gundam Wing.

So how do you describe this experience to anyone without looking like a crazy person? You can’t and that’s how people like most of the stuff they watched. They just enjoy the experience because it appeals to their primal instinct, it’s full of nuance so it’s difficult to explain. I stated Gundam Wing has cool stuff in it namely the Gundam battles and design but another person can think it looks like shit and they are too overpowered but being overpowered is why I love it. I love what you hate and no one can say the other side is wrong because it’s subjective experience. This is why debate of merit of cartoons all boiled down to that, some people find some traits of the character interesting while I think the character is stupid for the very same reason. There’s nothing to debate about because I can’t go into your mind and feel what you feel so no conclusion can be made. There’s no right to wrong and even if there’s, it’s not even that important of an issue to make sure you get it right so there’s no point.

What will happen if someone thinks that Legend of Galactic Heroes is boring as fuck for whatever reason that you might think is stupid? Nothing, yes nothing! You can make the argument how they are intellectual lazy or some shit but it does not matter at the end of the day because we are not talking about decisions that will affect people’s life in anyway, such as all ice cream stores should have chocolate taste and get rid off caramel sauce because sweet on sweet is fucking disgusting and causes diabetes.

 

If you walked out from your favorite movie and overheard  how a stranger said that it fucking sucks, will you walk over to them and give them a 500 words presentation on why they are wrong? You probably won’t because that is fucking weird. However, that’s what replying to a 140 characters tweet of someone you didn’t follow telling them how wrong they are is all about! If it’s a long form post with lots of details on a blog/forum actively looking for discussion, that I get, but one single tweet with 140 characters? Why do people think it’s ok to do that when they realize it’s not ok to approach strangers outside of movie theater in the name of discussion?

Then again, I actually don’t mind strangers(some one who I didn’t follow or follow me) tweeting me uninitiated but it’s still really weird. For one, how do they find your tweets if they weren’t retweeted? Are they just scurrying the twitter search bar searching for specific terms and engage with anyone and everyone who disagree with him? That’s fucking creepy because it is borderline internet stalking, isn’t it? Internet anime people, please learn that it’s not ok to do that. It’s fucking creepy and that’s one of the many reason why people think all anime fans are overzealous creep.

 

 

After rewatching Manabi Straight’s first episode, I cannot help but to recall my time in the student council in secondary school.

Which led to my question : Why do people join the student council? I highly doubt people would join to ‘improve the students’ lives in school’ or anything ‘noble’ along that line.

In primary school, my guess is that teachers choose the ‘promising’ students, usually those who have at least above average grades and good conduct. Then they would choose the head council to be the one who they deemed to have the strongest leadership capability. Usually that guy who is smart and has leadership role already in CCA.

They did not choose the council life, the council life chose them.

In secondary school, it was a similar process – teachers tend to recommend lower secondary students with good grades and conduct to be a councillor. Of course, secondary one students were free to apply too.  Now, my guess for people who applied were people who were shrewd, or at least their parents were. Being on the student council may seem decent on the list of achievement certificate that you receive after you graduate, but being part of the main committee will be an icing on the cake.

So, how does one become part of the main committee? In my school, it was being handpicked by the outgoing main committee and submitted for approval to the teacher-in-charge. This is the main issue I have regarding my secondary school’s council. A bunch of 15-16 year old kids choosing the next batch of ‘leaders’, what could go wrong?

Plenty. Kids are easy suckers. Just act cozy with them and pretend to ‘lead’ a bunch of your fellow students and the incumbent leaders will think you are a perfect candidate. Silent, hardworking students are not given the credit they deserve, as they are working out of sight most of the time. Then these ‘future leaders’ will swoop in in the last moment when the incumbent make their rounds and claim full credit. These incumbent will hence hold high opinion of these people, and these opinions are easily ingrained into their minds, and any simple task done by these ‘leaders’ would result in a positive reinforcement on the incumbents’ opinions. This is helped by how these ‘leaders’ tend to act all friendly with the incumbent all the time, making their presence known all the time.

4 months in with 3 major school activities, I came to know who the real workers and fakers are. It was also nearing the day when the incumbent step down for the incoming batch of new ‘leaders’. I tend to report to the council room early for duty, and that was when I overheard the discussion between the incumbent who they were going to choose for the next batch of committee members. The usual ‘fakers’ names were thrown around, mentioning how they were valuable assets, while the hardworking people were briefly mentioned with “hmm? I don’t remember that guy doing anything at all.” A few more days of such conversations, I decided that the student council was a fucked up place to be in. I quit a few days prior to the change of committee ceremony after a brief ‘conversation’ with the teacher-in-charge (wow I still remember how he looked at me like I’m a retard or something).

This experience taught me how important it is to have connections. And also, to be wary of overly friendly people, or people who approach you to leech benefits. This combination led me to have less than a handful of new friends made during secondary school and zero thereafter. Which means no new connections made, which defeat the purpose of the lesson learnt.

By this time, I have no idea what I am ranting about, other than how salty I am with such people. I felt that I have given up on doing my best during that period of time, since there is no point of giving your all and not having anybody appreciating you for your effort, or worse, somebody else being appreciated for your efforts.

But then again the world is like this. This shit still happens everywhere. That is why I think I will not survive well in such a world. I lack the street-smart,  nor do I have eloquent social skills.

In the end, I guess it is just me being insecure and emo as usual, and ranting incoherent ramble which I find it uncomfortable to talk to others about yet find it acceptable to post in on the web.

 

Video game community is weird because they don’t really care about narrative and performance art. They say they do but when you tell them how Nathan Drake killing millions of people without feeling the weight of a mass murderer is fucking weird, they will tell you it’s just a game. When you tell them how GTA 5 with their obviously polygonal characters with dead eyes can’t possible give much of a performance have shitty acting, they say they don’t care. It’s all about being a game so they don’t quantify traditional or accept critiques that we uphold for all the other visual story telling medium. This is also why they have weird penchant to dub because they are lazy to read subtitles. Anything that can them quicker to the next mechanic is better than slogging through with text. They feel that stories, characterizations, thematic and stuff that we used to critique a film are not applicable for games even though it’s very obvious that lots of games are emulating it with huge cinematic set pieces and so it’s appropriate to critic a video game narrative like we critic serious movies.

It’s also a very geeky community and all geek communities are spiteful. They love to attack or dismiss things they are not familiar with, no matter how irrational it might be just because people like what they don’t like or vice versa. I lost count in the number of Apple/Android fans argument over their stupid phones while dragging the other sides down as if it’s necessary that the other side to be shit in order to justify how good they are. They need validations by dragging others down to prove they are the best.

For example, American comics book fans also refuse to accept Japanese manga as their equal counterpart as shown by lists after lists of greatest selling comics without including stuff like One Piece that outsold them in ridiculous fashion. Geek sites talk about how huge comic con and stuff like that are while totally ignoring expo like Otakon that has similar amount of participants. Anime is like the huge ugly ghetto in the city that no one wants to admit that it exists for weird reasons. It’s especially worse when anime overlapped heavily with video games so now video gamer could not ignore it so the next logical step is to have snarky and prejudicial attitude towards it.

Sure, Japanese audio purist are annoying and overly aggressive, however they have a point that performance that was specifically written for a certain material are always of a higher quality more often than not. It’s also undeniably about author’s intention and what they feel is the best way of doing things. However, these purist articulate the points in a way that make them look like a crazy person. It does not help that they demand it like a crazy person as well. The final nail in the coffin is most of them are anime people and this is why no one wants to associate with them, especially when they already have a prejudice against them. It’s just more firepower for gaming people to attack the fandom with and more proofs for their preconceived notion that anime is some fucking ghetto full of lame ass nerds.

I find it aggravating how a great logical points can be turned into some jokey dismissals because the wrong people are advocating it. It’s especially aggravating when only video game dismiss it when it doesn’t happen anywhere else. For one, no one dismiss you as a weeb when you want to watch Seven Samurai in its original language. We even have companies like Criterion that makes fucking sure that movies stay as originally intended as they can be. This happens because we think movies are of a different level of art-form compares to game. This is why the point of original artist intention doesn’t sound as laughable when it was a point made for a movie but people dismiss it when you level it with an anime game. It’s especially ironic when video game people try so hard in wanting their hobby to be seen as a higher art form when they don’t accept points that should always be used and be applicable for a high level art form.

I don’t understand why people need to justify their need in original language when it’s a readily accepted fact that you should have original language in movies. It’s the same motivation and intention. Most people aren’t fucking crazy, they just want it to be kept as original as it intended to be. Before you get it wrong, I am not arguing for literal translation because liberal translation like Phoenix Wright kept the same context as its Japanese counterpart. A pun for a pun, a joke for a joke and it leaves the characters and stories beside minor untranslatable stuff intact. Every context and author’s intention are kept pretty well. It also had the luxury that there aren’t a lot of performance that never goes well in translation.

It’s just difficult to keep full original context and intend intact in performance. It’s just like There Will Be Blood would be a totally different film without Daniel Day Lewis. Similarly, voice works that undergoes meticulous direction and intention are difficult to replicate. For example, when a Japanese voice act ONISSAANNNNNNN, it has its own unique identity and culture that are imbued into it. However, when an english voice actor says BIG BROTHER, all the contexts are lost and it can only be seen as a failed imitation because it’s not in their culture and community to say BIG BROTHER. To put it simply, it felt less natural and less sincere. This is why as grating as ONISSAANNNNNNNNN is, it has a familiar culture and context that you felt natural with instead of a cringe worthy replication of BIG BROTHER because no one talks like that in English. English speaking communities do no have the sub culture of anime as it is a uniquely Japanese thing like how Powerpuff Girls, TMNT and Marvels are uniquely western in which Japan can’t emulate properly. This is why I felt especially strong about Fire Embelm Fates when they decide to drop Japanese audio for a game obviously written in anime Japanese.

 

When we are talking about constructive criticism, we must also understand the reality of sturgeon’s law and not everyone is receptive or are capable enough to ascend to a higher standard. Sometimes, we must accept that Paul Bart Mall Cops won’t be more than a comedy that you find unintelligent even you made good points on how it sucks, especially when it’s proven that people love the shit out of it so it’s doing something right at least. Sure, it’s good to be critical and I agree with it but don’t get too into your own ass and think you are doing anyone a favor or you are actually changing something when stuff is clearly not receptive(hint: Adam Sandler and Michael Bay). You must also understand that the general public are not in academia and don’t necessary agree with your ways even though their reasoning are irrational because news flash, most people don’t give a fuck for things they perceived as inconsequential. Not everyone want to pursue intellectualism as well. I know it’s very surprising because you just found out how not everyone is like you or how everyone is not doing what you are doing or are striving for betterment. I know it also irks you how you can’t find in good faith saying that they are living life wrong because they all seems to be so content with life by being what you perceived as mediocre but all I can say is, don’t do it because that turn you into a bitter judgmental nerd… …  Your point of how media reflects sub conscious bias and prejudice or how it speaks to the larger problem of how we are actually fucking backwards and not progressive at all is true though and I agree with that, but you can’t in good faith failed to understand why people don’t find any issue with anything when lots of you who hold that banners love questionable shit as well because everything is subjective anyways and everyone is capable of detaching fiction from reality. Then again, all these doesn’t justify the removal of the content anyways.

IWICSYI

  • My common sense told me Ghostbusters reboot is not a good idea but it still exists and gross around 70mill dollars of common sense. 6 hours ago
  • This is why "use your common sense and you should know this art will be trouble" is the worst hindsight argument. 6 hours ago
  • There are like 7 billions of common senses and there's no guideline on it so accommodating every single one of them is bullshit. 6 hours ago
  • Especially arts for masses. You have like what? A team of 20 against billions of population. Fucking insanity. 6 hours ago
  • Creating arts with the rigours of a thesis where you have refutes for every single criticisms is foolhardiness. 6 hours ago

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