I am an introvert. I hate being in situations where I will need to interact with another human being. I hate big parties. I have no idea why would people enjoy being together with a bunch of strangers just to celebrate their birthday.

I hate school. Not due to academic reasons, but social. It is clear that people approach the ‘elites’ so they can suck off them by copying homework, getting help with tutorials and tests. But are they friends? The lonely scholar considers them as friends, while the popular scholar sees them as ‘acquaintances-with-potential-benefits’.

To be honest, I have no idea what the above two paragraphs are supposed to be about.

As much as I hate interaction between humans, I am fortunate enough to have at least some friends. Frankly, I am surprised that I have friends… at least I deem them to be my friends and hopefully this friendship is mutual. Though I could count the number of people with both of my hands.

So what are friends? I do not know. But I do know I need them. I tend to feel negative and lonely easily, and I will always send random messages to my friends to save myself from the negative spiral of negative emotions I am always falling into. I am usually satisfied even with just a few sentences of conversation.

^wow I sound like some depressed fuck. Maybe I am, who knows.

Not sure if it is weird, but most of my friends are from my primary school days. The total number of friends I made since then could be counted with just a hand. And I think I will lose interaction with them sooner or later too.

And the amazing thing was that I had a girlfriend of four years. I have no idea how or why but she was willing to hang out with me. In the end we broke up, mainly due to me as I handled the conflict between her and my parents very poorly. I still regret it up to this day, thinking what would happen if I handled it differently every night.

After a few months, I then began to think, am I missing her, or am I missing the relationship? Would I forget about her if I were to enter another relationship? Or was it her that made the relationship special? I doubt I would ever know, for I doubt I would ever be able to have a fresh start once more, given my personality.

Then I thought about my friends. I am also amazed that I have friends, considering that I committed hideous acts to some of them in school. Are they my friends because they are them (as a person), or because of the interactions that we have? You can say that it is the person who does the acts, but the acts are also dependent on the person (No idea what this suppose to mean). And I think this is getting too philosophical.

But I am eternally grateful to my friends. I doubt anybody I know would read this anyway (other than the master of this page), but I thank them from the bottom of my heart. My actions may not reflect so, but I do appreciate being with them.

I suppose this is just a random rant by an incoherent drunk author with a poor command of the English language. Feel free to delete this post if you want to.

I didn’t like it. It shows a lot of promises in how it subverts some of the tropes in the beginning but then ended up with cliche tirade after tirade about hope, friendship and despair that you see in every other generic anime. It tries to grey it out by having characters with individual selfish desires but it not that in depth or well written. All of that ended with generic idealistic shonen stuff in the end anyway because bond, hope and friendships conquer all, man.

The beginning builds up my expectation of it being something subversive but it ended up playing some of the anime tropes too straight near the end. Felt that the mystery doesn’t pay off too, expected it to be more clever but it ended up very shallow. Basically it boils down to hey, it’s actually all random terrorist shit and I think we forgot to add any foreshadowing.

The characters are over the top and I expected them to be flamboyantly unique and charming like those in Phoenix Wright and Ghost Trick but they ended up being generic anime characters with generic lines about idealistic anime bullshit. Main character is the worst offender of this. I waited so long for his special reason to exist among these super elite and the end result is the most hamfisted generic anime writing 101 stuff. MY ULTIMATE HOPE CAN BEAT YOUR ULTIMATE DESPAIR BECAUSE ANIME!

I want to like it because it showed moments of brilliance and I enjoyed parts of it but it all falters in the end. I am more disappointed than thinking it’s a bad game to be honest. I also played it on psp way before the localized Vita version was even announced so all the expectations are build while I played the game, not before it. I haven’t play the second game yet but now that I know what to expect, I don’t think I would be that disappointed.

It will be interesting if I can track down the person behind one of those idiotic youtube comment. I would like to interview them on why they post what they posted and what went on in their head to think that posting idiotic comments like “Please get cancer” is a good idea. Exactly who are these people and what do they do in their life? I know around 200 people and not a single person ever posted a youtube comment. This makes me think that normal human beings don’t post youtube comments so who are these people exactly?  Are they 13 years old kid? That’s the only time where I felt compel to insult someone to defend my favorite thing. So I guess that explains all the idiotic comments on video game and anime videos but what about those creepy comments you can find on some vlog of some random girls? You know, those creepy comment about wanting to rape her and shit? What’s up with that? Those are so weird and creepy and definitely not by 13 years old, right?

If you think about it logically, the motivations to post these comments are very strange because there’s no motivation behind it at all. I guess most of them are just mindless comments posted without care but it’s just weird how they always default to vitriol and anger.

On another note, I always saw comments about how they don’t like one of the host of some free content because they don’t conform to their taste as if they are the central of the world and everything should be targeted towards them. If you don’t like them, just don’t watch it. I know that’s a tired and cliche advice but it’s true because ignoring the content is the best way not to give any attention to it. It’s also free anyway so you it’s kinda your fault to engage with it in the first place.

Then again, people will argue that they have the right to criticize because criticizing helps the person grow and it’s intelligent to criticize. That’s very true but criticism does not equal to vulgarity spills of how the guy fucking sucks without any constructive comments. You can also be very respectful and not overly aggressive in your criticism without insulting the guy but I guess being polite is a concept that is very difficult to grasp.

As a Japanese cartoon fan, 2007 is always memorable. I didn’t quite understand why but after looking back, I found out that 2007 was the time where the anime community just exploded with great fan creations and amazing stuff. This is thanks to the huge momentum build up since 2006 with Haruhi and it rode along with a boost by Hatsune Miku and a long string of amazing cartoons like Tengen Toppa among popular one like Code Geass. All of them great works that brought tons together  of talented fans with Nico Nico Douga as a platform to create. What happened next is nothing short of amazing because we got our own Nico Nico Medley anthem and my personal favorite song Okkusenman among other high quality fan works. Lots of talents such as Team Neko, ChouChou, Hyaidan(though he was already an insider back then), Supercell and such who are working in the industry now debuted back then too. 2007 was just an amazing years with huge amount of high quality fan works that  gave anime community their own identity. Then everything kinda mellow out right after that and continued on with a sustained pace.

2007 recipe of success is thanks to maturation of the internet along with tons of great anime coinciding and having a healthy platforms for fans to create their own similar community because everyone watches and listen to the same amazing stuff.  That’s too much coincidences that I doubt will happen anytime soon. At least I once lived and was active in that era,

Being proud of a country/someone is a very alienating concept because why should I be proud of what I didn’t do? Good for people that achieved it but feeling proud just because of what people did felt like leeching the success of others to me. Just because some people won some medals in a sporting event that I contribute nothing to, I have the right to rub off their success because they just so happened to live in the same location as me?

I am trapped in my own mind scape, thinking about unrelated shit and living my life in my own unique way within very specific restrictive vicinity so I really don’t fully understand the concept of patriotism or loving a country. It felt inherently wrong why we need to draw imaginary lines to separate us vs them. It also felt wrong to criticize Malaysia corruption for the sole intention to feel better of ourselves instead of criticizing them because you sincerely want them to improve.

I meant I understood the idea that it’s easier to micro manage things that are broken down to tiny parts and history had shown that a one unified country is a legislation nightmare and prove to have no benefits over multiple countries minding their own business and occasionally help up/work together. However these are all logical concepts with no tangible forms to make any emotional connection with so I am not comfortable to say I fully grasp and in support of it. This is what I meant when I say I don’t understood what it meant to be patriotic or to love your own country.

It’s also felt wrong why you should unquestionably love your country. I don’t love it because love is a strong emotion and I don’t hold that type of emotion for this land. Maybe appreciate is a better word,I guess. To me, love conjures up images of blind faith, extremism and defense against any criticisms no matter if they made any sense. The extend and vitriol people threw at someone who makes a stupid passing insult scares me and I don’t want to associate with them. These people love their country and it shows, and it’s scary. I know it’s getting into semantic argument but I am not comfortable with the word love. Appreciate is much gentle and disassociate with a lot crazy shit. So I am comfortable to say I appreciate this country, maybe.

A country is also a concept born from the human mind, a very complex concept that I am not even sure of because an alternative was never presented so it felt wrong to just accept and love it without spending time researching on it. So for now, I can only have a shallow appreciation for it because it allows me to live pretty comfortably.

#SG50, I guess.

Browsing through this blog, I am pretty sure I had been talking to myself for almost 3 years because who the fuck are these posts directed to other than myself? It’s all self reflection shit and talking about myself. It’s all about what I think as if it fucking matters. It’s so narcissistic and it’s kinda disgusting.

But people need an outlet to express their views because we are social animal, and my way is probably talking to myself on whatever platform because topics I want to discuss with can’t be discussed for reason ranging from “this is fucking boring” to “I don’t know what to say about that”. So I just kept on talking to empty air.

First it’s with this blog but blogging is too troublesome so I went to Facebook. Facebook troubles too many people because I found out that super long comments with the intention to spark some discussion or share thoughts that you think is interesting and hoped that they shared the same interest is something people really aren’t welcoming of. The urge of doing that is too huge for me to keep quiet so I tried to restrain myself by posting thoughts and place them as private posts, it’s a soothing outlet and kept my mouth shut so I really appreciate that. So in the end, I just tweet a lot because that’s my final frontier to reach out to a human being. I have like 6 human followers and I am surprise how no one unfollow me yet because it must be annoying reading so many garbage tweets. I think they are just being courteous and nice, which is a cool thing they do that I really appreciate.

Now this post looks like whiny sentimental shit, which is not my intention anyway but it reads like one so I am fucked. The need to express your views is a real one as accounted by how many garbage opinions that is out there on the web. I am aware of that but I am contributing to the problems so shit is fucked either way. It just felt good to put your thoughts out there, felt better when people acknowledge it, but that is getting into vanity and desperate attempt in attention territory and I loathe myself for that.
I will regret posting this, won’t I? I think I would and the vicious cycle of self loathe commences.

Japanese science fiction is always about schrodinger cat, it’s so common that it started to become laughable. Here’s a list of stuff that it appears in off the my top of head: Steins;Gate, Muv Luv, VLR, Purple Qualia, Eden, Ever17,I/O and almost every sci fic eroge about parallel universe and shit.

They also make it sounds more fascinating than it really is but the magic is gone when you repeated the same interpretation for the 100th time. Why are crazy magical shit happening in our stories? Because parallel world and let me spend 5 mins to explain to you about this schrodinger cat theory. PLOT TWIST!

We need a story to mock this trend and give a new interpretation to schrodinger cat to laugh at how stupid it is when another character starts sprouting this thought experiment.

I need writing practice. The most efficient way to improve one’s writing is thru writing. I will try to write some stories. All of them will be improvisations.

Just seconds ago, I saw a bunny died on a traffic junction. Why did it have to die? Where was its home and why of all place was he at a traffic junction? Random thoughts start bubbling in my head and I stood there contemplating the significance of the bunny’s death. Too bad, I was standing right in the middle of a busy traffic junction while I pondered on these meaningless faux philosophy. A vehicle, probably a luxurious sports car, failed to stop and ran over me. Now I am a flat pancake, not in the metaphorical sense but a real pancake.

I saw a homeless guy, about 50 and ragged, picked me up and place me on a plate while he traversed through the crowd. When he arrived at his destination, it was a comfy looking flat. He hesitated before reaching the handle but finally picked up enough courage and stepped in to the house. His clothes was now a neat tidy suit, all suave and looked very different from his ragged self just seconds ago. He was met with enthusiastic welcome from a cheery child, his daughter probably. He set the plate down and went to the kitchen for a knife, probably to cut me open. He came back with a sharp knife and began to cut me in half. I am a pancake so I was aware that my fate was to be sliced in half but I could never be prepared enough even though I knew it was coming since I was born, especially so when I was just a human minutes ago. When the knife reached my mid section, I was bleeding, but it was just my blueberry stuffing so I am not technical bleeding. I looked at the girl one last time but now she became a bunny, and I realized that she was dragging me away from a busy traffic junction. Oh look! I have white furs now. Ah! So I was the dead bunny after all.

The end.

I made the story up while I wrote. Many ideas crossed my mind but I always knew that I wanted the daughter to somehow be a bunny. I thought of many ways on how to write a heart warming story about repentance of the old homeless guy trying to grasp whatever he had lost by traveling back to the instance where he most cherished but I scrapped that in favour of some surreal stuff. This story formed very interesting imagery in my mind and I like how they are pieced together but I can’t quite put them in words. I swear there’s a logical story behind it but it can only be explained if you pry my brain open and look at it through my imagination. Ah, how I wished I have a machine that can project my imaginations into actual images but I have to  settle it with my terrible writing.

Study has shown that men are more likely to litter the floor with 8% admit that they litter while only 2% of women admit to the fact. This is certainly a disgusting, appalling and terribly ingrained act of sexism. When a man litter, he does not gives a fuck and expect others to pick up the garbage for him and stats has shown that cleaners are most likely women. This is a blatant act that shown how ingrained the patriarchy system is and how men are empowering themselves by dominating these poor woman cleaners.

We should stop this terrible act and ignore the fact that littering is just an ungraceful act because it’s an attack to modern day feminism! Here we have a video of a man and woman committing the act of littering and the result will shock you! NO ONE GAVE A FUCK WHEN THEY LITTER THE FLOOR BUT THE MAN STATED THAT HE FELT EMPOWERED BECAUSE HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS WHILE THE WOMAN ACT ALL DAINTY AND DISGUSTED BECAUSE IT’S NOT AN ACT THAT SHE IS COMFORTABLE WITH AND PEOPLE TOOK PICTURE OF HER BECAUSE SHE’S A HOT BLONDE WITH HUGE TITS AND PERFORM STUPID LOOKING STUNTS WHILE LITTERING. LITTERING IS SO FUCKING SEXIST!

I used to be a Pokemon fan. I woke up every Saturday morning to catch a Pokemon episode. School used to force us to attend extra curriculum lesson on Saturday and I skipped all of them because I want to watch Pokemon. I played Pokemon Red/Blue so much that I can complete it within 2 hours by utilizing turbo speed on my Gameboy emulator. I could navigate the dark cave without flash and avoid every trainer battles. I am very hardcore.

I followed every iteration of Pokemon until emerald, then I realise that they are just repeated content with marginal improvement every generations. The mechanic and concept of the game didn’t change or improve much and the new thing you can do now is molest your Pokemon. How can people accept this bullshit when they are outraged by the yearly update of sports game and Call of Duty? Why are the same people that call bullshit on CoD, accept Pokemon so whole heartily? What the fuck is wrong with people? Pokemon is the least improved game from its first generation to its last and Gamefreak had pretty much ship the same fucking game for 18 years. It’s one of the least innovative game in terms of progression I ever see. I personally will not support this bullshit because you are telling the developer that it’s ok not to innovate and we will accept a mere skin change with recycled material.

This is just bullshit to me. I don’t even want to criticize the money grubbing bullshit of releasing different version of the same game tactic. People are livid when Capcom pulls that shit but it’s ok with Pokemon. Why? I have no fucking idea. This lead me to think that Pokemon is the best example of fanboy double standard and how consumer culture can be pretty terrible.I know nerds are ready in arms to counter my points by saying that they added mechanics like element and type and bullshit like that. It doesn’t fucking matter in a Single Player mode when I can just press A and mowed my way through the fucking game while I experience the same old fucking bullshit story of Pokemon thief and fighting gyms. True, if the core mechanics are so good that we shouldn’t touch it, at least make the fucking story different. People notice the bullshit that Rocky and Rambo pulled with their sequels and it became a laughing stock. Now we should gather all the cool kids and start making Pokemon seems like a laughing stock so they might actually give us a different game next time.


  • Also, most of these "journalist guidelines" are pulled out from someone's ass from some message board anyway. They are also as clueless. 54 minutes ago
  • If they don't seem to know how to follow basic journalist guidelines, they most likely are really clueless about this shit. 55 minutes ago
  • News flash guys, most gaming sites are hobbyist sites written by game nerds who receive 0 education on how to be a journalist. 56 minutes ago
  • People put to much pressure to writers on game sites and demand too much on journalistic integrity as if the writer is not just a hobbyist. 57 minutes ago
  • I am so glad I didn't really have that many melodramatic fanboy reactions that reach thousands. Lucky my blog got no more than 20 readers. 1 hour ago

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